When I count my blessings... I count you twice.

Turn up your volume <3

Tonight I felt the need to sit down, gather my thoughts and write a short “love letter” if you will to a little someone who makes my world better every day by just being in it. You know that American proverb

“Love many

 Trust few,

 Always paddle your own canoe”?

It’s one I used to live by as a single gal living in the city with my life somewhat floating by casually without a care in the world. As fun as it was to paddle that canoe by my lonesome I will say now that I've got the support and love from my special one to help guide me on my journey is well, the cherry that tops my sundae.

I posted once about how someone’s laugh gave me butterflies and how I needed to love the little things instead of worrying about the stupid things…Well 3 years later, relentless ups, down, fights, make ups, moves across the country and endless sweet kisses...his laugh still brings the pit of my stomach into a ball of butterfly goodness. How did I get so lucky? I ask myself this question daily and consider it a question I will never find the answer to because I believe we both are the lucky ones to have really and truly found our peace together. Times are tough, we have our struggles, our crazy passionate fights but the goodnight kiss is what I long for at the end of the day. Never go to bed angry, no matter how mad you are at your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or friend. Go to bed with that positive energy surrounding you so that your dreams can really be the dreams they’re meant to be.

I don’t remember the last night I’ve felt this at ease and happy about anything…ever. I’ve never known someone with such strength, determination and love in his soul. As kind as he can he can be he drives me absolutely nuts at times to where all I can think about is throwing the closest thing to me across the room to get out my frustration (same goes for him with me I know) but if I let myself take the oh so important deep breath...it all comes back and I realize, this is what you love about him…his crazy imperfections that drive you nuts because its him! To those who know him, he can come off as a stubborn pain in the ass at times, but that’s fine with me. I don’t need them to know him the way I do, that what’s so special about it.  

So my handsome man, if you’re reading this… thank you for being you and only you. You insprire me to become a better person each and every day so thank you for that. Thank you for putting me in my place daily and telling me to settle down and take it easy. You make my life better every day and I cannot wait to explore this crazy journey we’re starting together.  No matter how much I get frustrated over stupid things…always always always know that you…are…my…favorite xoxo

Happy New Year my friends!

“I don’t need another kind of green to know I'm on the right side of you"

When it comes to relationships nowadays what is it that makes us feel like we’ve got to constantly find something better? Do we really feel like we’re never going to find our perfect person or feel like the one who is perfect for us is simply enough and worth giving yourself to? This sort of complex I don’t believe is something that is a fault of either men or women because we’re all guilty of it. But my question is, when is it ok to stop needing another kind of Green to realize that someone truly has everything that could bring out the best in you and bring you happiness you never knew was possible?

Now, we’re all aware I’ve done by share of dating and have met many men who are all remarkable in their own way but there’s always something missing. Right? Or is it just me not being able to stop looking for something better? OR is it them not being able to stop looking for something better? I’ve written in previous posts about how I believe dating is unquestionably different in today’s society than when our grandparents were around…One reason being because I don’t think men chase the woman they want, they just move on to the next because it’s the easiest, even if that means losing her. If there is the slightest thing that’s not perfect about her they seem to turn their heads and forget about everything that is perfect. When is it going to be enough? When will the endless amounts of fun, comfort, laughs, smiles, support, (the list could go on) be enough to want to “start” building something that has the potential to be a lasting relationship? When will that be enough? That is what I cannot seem to wrap my brain around and cannot stop asking myself.

I’ve got some incredible girlfriends who are some of the most influential and caring women I know. Some are moms, some are single, some are married, some are engaged but they all have one thing in common, they’re spectacular women! A few of these ladies are in relationships that give me so much hope that there is a man out there who will love, support and cherish me for everything I am because I see how much their husbands love them. Others have husbands, boyfriends and fiancés who treat them like absolute dog shit and don’t deserve the love these women undoubtedly cannot help but give them. When I hear the stories they tell and see the heartache these men cause my loves I then question “is this something I want to ever go through (again)?” Now please don’t take this as me “man hating” or that I believe that men are to fault for every relationship problem because if anyone knows me they know I ALWAYS see both sides to stories. Women can be the source to a lot of heartache as well. I’ve also seen with first hand my girlfriends who are without question the ones who cause their guys pain. But going back to needing more constantly, why hurt the one you love? Why do things you know will cause them pain? Why not do everything you can to make the person happy? Now I’m aware things happen and people mess up, but when is love enough? When can a man say “this woman would do anything in her power to make me happy, why keep looking? Or why treat her poorly?” (or vice versa)

Oprah said once (don’t roll your eyes) that she believes you can have it all, just not all at the same time. So why do we take this approach with people we meet? Why do some people want and expect their partner to have it all and pass up someone who might be missing a few things? Of course it sounds great to be with someone who has everything we want but that’s when we have to step back and screw on our heads to realize it’s not going to happen. I think it’s important to set forth your main values and ideals that you need in a partner so we know what we’re not willing to budge on; because let’s face it we all need those to know we’re not settling for just anyone. With that said, I believe there are certain values and quirks that outweigh others so you then have to ask yourself “in 5 years will this stupid thing matter that I’m willing to throw everything away for or will the fact that this woman loves me unconditionally and makes me want to be a better person each day I’m with her be enough?” When will come the time when it’s worth letting some of the insignificant things fall under the rug because we realize they don’t matter in the grand scheme and these quirks this person has makes them who they are?

I believe that if you expect your woman or man to have it all then you’d better take a good hard look at yourself and make damn sure you’ve got everything you expect your partner to have.

: Deep breath:

“Find arms that will hold you at your weakest, eyes that will see you at your ugliest and a heart that will love you at your worst”

"Cheers to knowing that the end is worth it and never letting go of it's promise"

What is it about music and it’s lyrics that make you ponder everything thing happens to be going on in your life at the moment and for some reason you’re able to relate the song to whatever it is you’re going through right then? I decided to start a playlist of one of my favorite singer songwriters ever and one of his newest songs just struck a chord with me. (I’m Going to Make it by Sanders Bohlke). A lot of things are about to change for me and I couldn’t be more ready for them. I’m going to make it and I’m going to make the best out of it and I’m going to love every second of it. I believe every situation you’re in, no matter whether it be a good one or a bad one… it changes you, changes your way of thinking and makes you a much better person because it happened.


The past couple of weeks have brought up a few subjects I never thought I would ever be faced with but unexpectedly they have forever impacted my life and my views on responsible decision making. I will be forever affected by what has come my way and although it is hard to face, it will only make my life and what I’ve yet to accomplish only that much sweeter. You never quite know what you need until you find it and the next thing I find might just be the thing that changes everything. I love so much that I have no clue what my future has to hold or where I will be in a year from now. As scary and nerve-wracking as that may be, it is the most excited I’ve ever been. I’m moving to one of the most incredible cities the US has to offer with one of the people that mean more to me than she’ll ever know. I’ll be able to hopefully embrace my passion for photography on a more intense level as well as soak up the culture this city has to offer.

You know how when you meet people you just have the connection and warmth like none other right off the bat? It doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship or something that leads to anything more than friendship but when that person comes into your life, things just become more fun and easy. It’s probably one of the most relaxing and refreshing things that can happen I think, especially when you’re about to make a huge move in your life and have no idea what’s left to be faced.

I kept this short and sweet but cheers to my life and the exciting things that are to come... A few big steps to get there, but you better be damn sure I'll make it
 
 

“Whenever I was a little girl I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew the kind of woman I wanted to be…” Diane Von Furstenberg

So I have wanted to sit down and write for a few days now about which road my life has taken me down recently but haven’t come to terms with anything I feel needs to be brought to the table or vented about. Everything is just perfect right now and I couldn’t be happier. Things are going pretty well for me these days and I’m getting closer to seeing a glimpse of that “so called” light everyone talks about being at the end of the tunnel. I feel like I am finally able to take a little bit of a deep breath, which feels amazing.


When is the right time for someone to really hone in on what they what to do with their life? I mean is there a time frame or an age where these things need to be figured out by? I have an idea of course and am fully aware of what my strong points are as far as work is concerned but I just want so much out of my life I don’t know which to jump at first. This whole new year, fresh start, new beginnings, new happiness thing is really starting to kick into full swing and I couldn’t be more ready for it. The past year was a rough one but I’d be crazy if I didn’t say that I’m glad all of the madness happened. I came to terms with a failed relationship, lost friends, gained new friends, went countless interviews, lost my Uncle Jonnie, was overcome with stress 80% of the time BUT having gone through all of that I can honestly say that I truly believe that I am where I am suppose to be and have the people in my life that are supposed to be here. I feel so blessed to be able to have such amazing friends and family surrounding me that I don’t know how I would have gotten through it without them.

I’ve got so much going on this year and I can’t wait for all of it to kick off and get going. I in no means want to rush the process of these events but to say I’m excited is simply an understatement. I didn’t think it was possible for more of my friends to get engaged but boy was I wrong? Three girlfriends of mine that I’m remembering got engaged in 2010. There are probably a few that I’m forgetting but maybe I’m just confusing them with the actual of weddings I went to last year because there were about 765 of them… but who’s counting? There are a few trips I want to take this year for sure and really need to get cracking on the actual planning part of them! I’ll be in San Fran again in July for a week and Lauderdale in May for weddings but I want to get a few more fun weekend trips under my belt soon. I’m getting the urge to go to St. Augustine, Savannah again (shocker), Charleston, DC in the Spring, New York, maybe down to the Keys to visit some friends…nothing too crazy but I think a fun road trip up the East Coast would be kind of fun, but only if in good company of course. (Ahem)

I’ve said this countless times I think throughout this posting but I don’t believe I can say it enough. I’m so in love with this new and exciting chapter that’s starting in my life right now and I couldn’t be more ready to take the next step in getting “me” back again. The past couple of weeks have been pretty incredible and if they progress the way I feel they will, 2011 is going to be my year. So with that said my loves… deep breathes and cheers to knowing that the end is worth it and never letting go of its promise.

"Wish I could say what it is I'd like to say but my tongue is twisted up and tied away" -Rebelution

I think this is the first time in my life that I am left not knowing when or how to go about saying something that is on my mind. I usually have this very up front, honest, no holds bar way of going about anything that is bothering me or anything that I feel could be easily fixed with a simple conversation. So what to do? Let it go? Give it time with high hopes that the issue will rectify on its own? Casually bring it up to see if it has any hopes to get fixed? Who knows…

The past couple of months have been pretty stressful and I’m really trying to keep a positive outlook on everything that happens and with everyone that comes into my life going forward. I’ve always been pretty good at making the best out of every situation I’m thrown into but there are a few lately that are just too much of headache when it’s all said and done.

Now I am always on board for a good change now and again but usually my kind of change means moving around my apartment, painting my kitchen or going on a weekend trip for a short change of scenery. When someone’s demeanor or personality changes drastically it’s hard to be on board with it and not want to ask what happened. If the change is for the better then there isn’t really a need to talk about it but it’s just important to be appreciative of it and be aware of it at the same time. But if the change has a negative effect on how they treat you then I believe the approach should be to not let it go unnoticed and to definitely say something. The dilemma I am having is...how soon is too soon to bring it up?

So the holidays are officially around the corner and it didn’t hit home to me until I watched Oprah’s Favorite Things episode the other day. This is the first year that I can honestly say I am not AS excited as I have been during previous years. No particular reason really, maybe just getting older? But if getting older means you don’t get excited about holidays then I think that’s a load of crap. It’s been really hard to sit back and watch my family grow apart and not appreciate each other like we use to. I know things happen and people change but family is family and no matter what happens you love them for who they are is how I see it. I used to love talking to people about how funny, witty and close my family was. (Keyword: was) I feel like that is all in the past and that no one cares to get back to that. I have friends who don’t have families or parents or have lost a parent and it makes me sick to think my family is becoming so self absorbed that they can’t even see that we’re so lucky to still have each other to cherish AND to spend holidays together. If my grandfather were still alive he would beat the hell out of everyone and tell them to get their shit together and get over it. There is no way in hell he would be ok with how things are now with everyone and I wish there was a way I just could fix it. It just makes me not want to come home for holidays anymore…which sucks. I love everyone in my family more than they will ever know, which makes it so hard to sit back and watch all of this unfold.

I went out to the beach a couple days ago and caught up with a good friend of mine who I’ve been cancelling plans with for what seems to be months now! I’m really glad we got a chance to catch up and talk about how our lives are going because it was something that I needed. There is something so refreshing when it comes to hearing that one of your good friends is having such amazing things happen for them.

I’ve wanted to write a new post for the past couple of weeks now but didn’t really know which approach to take and I still really don’t know where I am even going with this one if I’m being honest. Hopping from topic to topic randomly seems to be the way I'm going about it. I think I just felt the need to get a few things off my chest casually but when I really think about it I don’t even think I’ve even tipped the iceberg. I wish I could go down the list of things that I have running through my head and fix all of them. But with all things in life…God never slams a door in your face without opening a box of Girl Scout cookies… Happy Graciasgiving everyone.

PS. Mom, I love you

"You're the best decision I ever made, I just forgot"

The only thing that seems logical to do at the moment while watching one of the most uplifting and inspirational movies that came out last year (I think it was last year) is to blog of course. Julie & Julia is the movie I’m referring to. While some may just see it as a funny “chick flick” about cooking, others, like myself, see it as a heartwarming story about a woman who digs deep and figures out a way to do what SHE loves. The way she hates her job, watches in agony as her best girlfriends succeed in their high paying assistant having careers yet still finds such joy in something so simple as making a good meal. Just goes to show that no matter how complex everyone else’s life may come across when put up next to your, what you seem to think of as an insignificant life, that it doesn’t really matter in the end. The only thing that will leave you with no “what ifs” at night is to simply do what makes you happy and do what you love and by that my friend, you will be the one who is the most rewarded with “the goodness”.


I am at the point right now where I somewhat envy the things I see my friends doing with their lives. I have been out of work since December and have been having a lot of fun while not working with all of my trips and such but at the end of the day I’m constantly stressed out about money. It has a way of consuming every bit of my thoughts and how I take hold of my days going forward. I try my hardest to recognize the amazing things I have surrounding me right now such as how incredibly patient and overwhelmingly supportive my friends and family have been with me while I’ve struggled to hash through this stressful period. Like all things, it WILL get better…it has to! The only way to succeed in life is to be positive and believe that although there are times “when your face looks like a punching bag and you’re elbow deep in Kleenex”, (name that movie) it will get better and the perfect sunset you see every day while walking your adorable dog, will be there to greet you again. “You just have to get up and look for it. The sunset isn’t going to smack you in the face if you’re sitting on your couch feeling sorry for yourself!” is what I tell myself every day.

As I sit here and ramble about how doing what makes you happy is the way to truly live your life the way it should be lived…I need to tell myself the same thing. Photography is my passion. Is has been my vice, so to speak from as far back as I can remember. It has never been something that I’ve wanted to do as a profession because I always assumed it would take the fun out of it for me. I’m uninterested in boring, portrait style photography…I love to merely capture a moment. Moments can’t be staged as far as I’m concerned and when they are, its obvious and it makes my skin crawl. Whether it be a 2 year old holding his favorite freshly picked yellow “wower” aka flower in a seemingly perfect day at the park with his mom or capturing the absolute silence in a steering wheel that was once driven by your late uncle…it’s a moment in time that speak volumes. I thank my father for teaching me my way through a lens and showed me that it isn’t silly to love it. “Don’t ever delete a picture” is what he says to me. Since I was a kid, he and I would walk around anywhere and beat each other to saying “wow…that’s a picture” (I said it first you owe me a beer). I drive my friends crazy with my picture taking. Whether it be a split second I see between my friend and her boyfriend, a moment that everyone else is blind to, or just a fun candid while out having a few beers with the people I love the most… they’re memories and they’re what make my days better in the end. All of the shots I’ve produced have been armaturely taken with a basic point and shoot camera, (expect for the so few times I was able to borrow my sister’s big boy) and I can’t wait for the day that I can proudly go about putting my mark on this world by effortlessly capturing precious moments out of people’s lives that will then never be forgotten...with my very own "big boy Mac Daddy camera.

With all of that being said and while I still don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel I am starting to really put myself first again in the equation of what we call life. I’m the decision I make every morning, not anyone else’s. I’m the one who deserves my thoughts, not the guy who doesn’t call. I’m the one who determines my attitude for the day, not the bill I am about to open that will bring me to tears. I’m the person who is the most important, not anyone else…I may have forgotten that but don’t be fooled, it didn’t last long.

Perfect little boy handing his mama the yellow "wower"... Jayce Huff

RIP Uncle Jonnie

Inside Uncle Jonnie's jeep

Uncle Jonnie's old jeep

Sunset from Davis Island dog park (my view everyday)

Civil Rights Museum Memphis, TN

Memphis National Cemetery

Alcatraz

Alcatraz

Alcatraz

“Everyone that comes into my life is just whip cream, but I come in as the full sundae” –Jenny McCarthy

What happens when you come to a point in your life where the little things matter more and the thought of entertaining a trivial and meaningless argument (that has the opportunity to forever change your life) becomes insignificant in the big picture of what you see in your future? I’ll tell you what… when the realization of what truly matters in the grand scheme of things smacks you dead in the face.

I have only spent 27 years on this earth thus far and throughout my years I have had the opportunity to meet and love many different types of people. All of which I will say, have taught me something and have in turn have made me a better and more wise person since meeting them. Every place I go, whether it be the grocery store, mall, dog park or random coffee shop I usually have some sort of conversation with a total stranger. I had a dear friend of mine say to me recently that she notices I talk to the most random people at the most inopportune times, have the most off the wall stories and will meet anyone wherever I go. Being well aware of this before she pointed it out I just simply laughed and said “well don’t you?” To my surprise she said that she never does that and never tries to. The thought of going out of her way to meet someone new isn’t something on her agenda for any given day. She goes to the grocery store, goes about her business and carries on with her day content with never meeting a stranger. I on the other hand, will sit and talk to the cashier at Sweet Bay for 20 minutes about different types of coffee we’ve tried, where to find it and so forth. While on trips I love meeting people that work in the places I adore to shop at and chatting them up or just striking up a conversation with someone at a park who just so happens to be sitting close to me on a bench. I love the idea of never knowing who that person is, who they were early in life or who they are aspiring to be but learning so much about then as we chat. Hearing and learning about how other people live and view society is something I crave. You never know where it is you’ll end up in life so I try and somehow stay in contact with whomever I meet randomly. Who knows, maybe I’ll move to San Diego and need to find a place to live. The really nice guys I met while out in Savannah who live there might be able to lend a helping hand.

I have friends who look at someone and judge them instantly, or will throw out a dirty look if someone just so happens to walk too close to them or talk too loud. There have been times that we all do these sorts of things and we seem to think of ourselves as pretty normal right? There have been times when I’m with my girlfriends at dinner and during conversation my reaction to something one of us is saying or vice versa is so profound that a “louder” response is the only thing that comes out of my mouth. It does not make me trashy or classless, nor does it make the person next to me who happens to do it if in turn the situation were switched… it just says to me that the person who is experiencing this reaction is having a fantastic night. I can’t say enough how much I love seeing people who are in a uncontrollable belly laugh with their loved one or a close friend. I try to imagine what could be so funny to have made them shed tears of laughter. I know how incredible it feels to I have one of those moments with someone I love, and when you’ve stopped laughing long enough to take a deep breath to soak up the moment, you have not a care in the world. It definitely puts a smile on my face while seeing other people experience it.

Having experienced many good laughs in my day I would say those are the moments I live for. I love the simple things in life and can say I always have but am now starting to try and really focus on them more; especially when it comes to my everyday life and the choices I make that will possibly have an impact on my future. Whether it be with love, ending friendships, starting new ones or simply making a point to exercise outside at a certain time of day so that I can watch a remarkable sunset...it’s a choice I choose to make that will only end with a smile.

There is always something that drives you nuts about the person you adore. Those things, over time can start to eat away at the big picture if you let them and that is something I am personally working on with every relationship I find myself in. Whether you’re able to recognize it or not, if this person is somehow linked to a part of your happiness then it’s time for you to cut the crap and recognize what really matters. The things that drive you crazy are the things you will miss the most when they’re gone. From the snoring, to the t-shirts, the play by plays and the never-ending saga of not agreeing on food choices. If you can either sit back and realize that these quirks are what make this person who they are and you love them for that alone then you're on a great path. If you choose to sit and be miserable with not being able to see the good that comes from it then you are missing out my friend.

You can fool yourself into thinking that all of those “annoying” things are what really matter in the long run but at the end of the day, when that person’s laugh gives you butterflies you have to come to the decision and decide what really makes puts the cherry on your sundae of life. The butterflies and belly laughs or the snoring?

"Nobody puts Baby in the corner"

So Summer is officially up and running and I must say, it's pretty brutal. Between the nonstop thunderstorms, intoxicating heat and endless job search that I have been on; I can honestly say I can't wait 'til Fall, or to be back in San Francisco. Anyone who knows me knows that this time of year in Florida is my least favorite thing about living here. Each time I stand in the midst of the sun's blazing heat while covered in the ever increasing sticky sweaty feeling caused by the humidity, I plan where I want to move. It's honestly like clockwork.

So, as we all know most of my previous post have been a so-called bitch fest about my lack of interest in the dating world these days. I was so uninterested in it that it had gotten quite sad. I had been asked out a few times in the past couple of months but turned everyone down due to the fact that I couldn't bare to even begin to deal with the headache of it all. That all changed recently, shockingly enough it kind of did a few weeks ago actually. With that said, as I am still quite checked out of knowing how to honestly just "date" someone, I recently did meet an amazing guy who has pretty much thrown me totally for a loop by his ability to make me laugh, feel incredble about being exactly who I am and oddly enough make me love the word "Baby", which I had never liked before. While being able to do all of those great things, he also has this ever so endearing way to make me want to rip my hair out :) ...but then again, I think that has to go along with how I'm horrible at dating. I'm great at being in a relationship but the beginning is what I don't like. If I haven't already chased this poor man away with my pain in the ass ways this week, I'll be a smitten little lady for sure. By me saying he is anything short of amazing or that I really am going to keep him around for the long hall if he's willing to put up with me will be the understatement of the year. So cheers to you Coach P :)


I have been really trying to travel as much as possible lately, small trips and some big ones too. In exactly 18 days I will in Toronto with my sister visiting Philip and getting the VIP treatment like no other! After we leave Toronto Friday morning we're going to explore Niagara Falls all day then on Saturday I'm off to see two of my favorite people Vanessa and Nick get married :) . In the beginnging of August I want to go to Atlanta for the Giants vs Braves game to see my boys play as well as root for my girlfriend's husband who plays for the Giants...kill two birds with one big ol' stone right there. Savannah trip is in the works for August also for a friend's bachelorette party and I CANNOT wait for that...Georgia here I come!!!

Since this whole post was suppose to be pretty streamlined and about only one topic but has sense gone on to be about 567 others, lets just hop on over to another why don't we... I just want to say that I truly do believe I have some of the most incredible friends a girl could possibly ever ask for. I have had a pretty stressful past couple of months and they have all been by my side and listened to me complain about the same things over and over again without stopping me because they know I just need someone to listen. I've gotten to the point where I can honestly be out with a group of my best girls and literally sit back in my chair and beam over how happy they all make me. I think I acquired the ability to do that from my father. He has always taught me to just soak up every moment I'm in and cherish every little second that goes by.

"And go away where the grass turns green, and the sky is baby blue..."

This weather lately has been nothing but perfection and being outside as much as possible has been my main priority the past couple of days . I'm finally starting to feel better and shaking this nasty cold I have had for almost two weeks but I have a good feeling that it will be creeping back up after I torture my immune system this Wednesday for St. Patti's Day (I'm aware it's spelled wrong). I'm not really sure what's in store for the day but what I do know it that I got a new bright yellow dress (yes mother, I'm going to wear yellow) to wear. I need to seriously get to working on my tan starting tomorrow because according to my mother since I wasn't even born, "You don't look good in yellow" ...I will forever be traumatized from that.

Isn't it weird how little things like that stick with us through our whole lives? I was watching a recent show (Wife Swap) and the father blatantly stated how he brain washes his daughters about religion, dating, love, you name it. These girls think they have to pray for a husband and then he will basically magically appear for them. Now if that were only true!! To not have to deal with the hassle of dating and to know that the exact man we pray for will just show up someday. As incredible and ideal as that would be, I'd have to opt for the dramatic, exhausting, annoying, stressful trials of dating that my life has lead me down. As much as I used to write about it and want so much to be with someone, I can now sit back and say that I'm glad I went through that faze because I'm really settled and centered with where I'm at right now. I'm working on me, getting my life slowly back in order and just having a blast doing so. I can definitely say when I lay my head on my pillow at night, I'm smiling.

I've got a few trips planned this year and I can't wait for them to start happening!! So many weddings, bridal showers, parties, and little twins to go visit!! My sister and I will be visiting Niagara Falls later this year and I'm so so so excited about it. My lovely little lady Vanessa and her hubby Nick are getting married there and I asked my sister if she wanted to come so we could turn it into a site seeing extravaganza with heel clicker photos like you've never seen! I also want to go to Texas and see the twins my cousin is about to pop out!!! Between Claire's cheeks (my other cousin's baby girl) and those two babies, I need to get to Texas asap!!! Oh and my Aunt Terri will be thrilled to see me of course and make the Chicken Tetrazzini JUST for me! Grand Canyon is on the list as well as Cali to see Jenn. I want to get up to Savannah before the summer is here as well as before it gets super hot and humid outside. My mom, sister and I went last year for July 4th so maybe I'll see if some friends want to get together this year and make a little trip up to party time it and eat some good southern food! Does anyone else agree that Savannah, GA has the best sweet tea on the planet??? I could swim in it! As much as I would love to party on this trip, I would love to sit in one of the Squares on a bench and relax underneath those big beautiful Oak Trees! Miami might be on the list as well as Key West! This time, I will make sure that my Keys trip is not ruined by a hurricane and bad weather, which are technically the same thing I guess. I would love to get up to NY to see a few friends and see the city since I've never been!! And last but not least, the Cheery Blossom Festival in DC! I'm dying to see all of those trees covered in pink flowers! Watch the week I go, the wind will be blowing and they'll all fall off!

Fingers crossed all of my trips happen and go exceptionally well!!

"She's seduced by the sunsets and her new life at hand"

Still as happy as I could possibly be and loving every single aspect of my life right now. In the past 3 months I have met some incredible new people that I am very happy to call my friends as well as come to terms with certain friendships that are better off coming to a close. I love when someone new comes into your life unexpectedly and without knowing it they make everyday seem brighter than the one before. It just makes all of the stress or mishaps that you go through in life seem so insignificant because you look at everything differently from now on.


Have you ever had a friendship seem like more work than need be? I just recently ended a friendship with someone that I knew for many years because of a reason such as that and am still undecided on how I feel about it. With this person everything that was simple and easy was turned into this big ordeal and it was just too exhausting to put with anymore. I felt like every time we did something or went somewhere I couldn't be 100% relaxed because I didn't want to say or do something that she could turn into a dramatic event. I feel awful for basically ending the friendship but I just couldn't do it any longer. Am I the only one who has been through this? She's not a bad person or a horrible friend but she just isn't someone I am choosing to have in my life anymore. I'm not the kind of person who tells someone what they want to hear or sugar coats anything when they ask for advice or my opinion on something. By any means I am not saying that the way I go about things is the correct way but I will say that with this particular person, she would get upset with me when she would ask for advice and I wouldn't tell her what she wanted to hear. I can't put up with that, go to someone who doesn't care about you to tell you what you want to hear because then you'll never learn.

As a very dear friend to me once said "Friendships aren't about making up or getting back together, they're about being friends". (love) I think I should have in the long run sat down with her and probably talked everything out before just saying that "I've had it" ...but I truly don't think it would have done a damn bit of good because we had gone through the same exact issues in the past and nothing changed. I don't think it matters who was at fault in the situation, her or me; we're just better left as casual acquaintances in my eyes. Just as long as we both learn from the situation given to us and move forward with our lives in the best possible way.

Now that I've gotten that out, back to meeting new people and how they can forever change our lives. Some people are ordinary, some people are strange, some are more endearing than they'll ever realize, some are kind and sweet and just special with every word they speak and some are just simply amazing people without ever trying to be. When you can find someone that is all of that in one, you've got someone quite special I think. Whether it be for friendship, romantic purposes or simply an acquaintance, this person is so much more than what meets the eye and to say that it’s exciting... is an understatement. I believe every person who comes into your life, comes for a reason. If he or she is there to never leave or just passing through, the right person will forever leave an impact.

This year has only begun a few months ago but so far it seems to be a great one for me and I could not be in a happier place than I am. The people I have in my life at the moment couldn't be more incredible and the sparkle I that constantly lingers in my eyes wouldn't be there without all of them.

It's better off I sparkle on my own...

I don't think I have ever been so happy that I am single in my life. The thought of dating someone right now and actually having it work out seems so far fetched that I can't even begin to comprehend how I would go about making it happen.. If I hear "you're such an amazing woman, you're beautiful, you're smart, funny, the most caring person I know" one more time I may wrip my hair out. All of these things I am fully aware of and am a capable of knowing without having a man tell me who obviously doesn't really mean it. If he meant it then whats the problem?? Clearly there are other deep issues set aside that he doesn't want to come forth with because he's affraid of hurting my feelings...and honestly thats fine with me.

If I got money for every man I dated that didn't come back and say "I miss you" or "I messed up" I'd be a rich woman right now. Why does it take me telling a man that Im over him a few weeks after he's ended our "relationship" for him to relize what he had? Green eggs and ham has called and texted every few weeks with something random and meaningless just to start up a conversation. If I respond by answering the nonsense question he asks he then turns that into him telling me that he's finally got his life in order and is trying to figure out his feelings. Well my dear...Im sorry it has taken you 6 months to figure out how fantastic I am and that you screwed up by leaving but you're a little later because I don't care. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have told him I am over him in any romantic way and he still doesn't give up!!

Ever sense I've become thrilled with being single and over dating anyone, I've been meeting so many great guys and having random fun trips planned out of the blue. Its all fun while it lasts but its so hard for me to not look at them and think they're going to be like the last one that came around. I know that you can't take past relationships and feelings from past experiences into new ones because then you're bound to set yourself up for failure. I just am not having any expectations for any man that is coming into my life in the new future because I'm just over dealing with them. I don't need to be showered with gifts, paraded around town, spend every waking second with someone to feel special...all I want is for someone is to be nice to me, show me respect and actually appreciate that fact that you have me. The only man who has ever made me feel like that is my father...that shit better change quickly or I am out.

Serendipity: (ser⋅en⋅dip⋅i⋅ty) –noun 1. an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.

Clearly anyone who knows me knows that I hate flying. I get sick, I get nervous, I get grossed out at all of the possibly germs that are swarming around me while I sit in the uncomfortable chair hoping the flight is over quickly and praying we land safely. As a result of my getting sick while flying I have to resort to taking large amounts of Bonine the day before as well as the day of my flight so I am 150% positive it is in my system and ready to take charge.

I have been doing a lot of traveling for work the past year and am all over the place every few months. I have grown to, I wouldn't say "enjoy" flying but lets just say flying and I have come to terms and are establishing a decent relationship. A few months ago, (August) I was sent out to cow town West Texas for a 4 day trip to work with Dockers. The beginning of the trip had started off a little bumpy because I missed my flight to leave so I was on standby all day, but I made it.  I made myself take a deep breath once I arrived and decided I was not going to ruin my trip. I had never been to the two places I was sent to but had an absolute BLAST (thanks to a local cowboy and a "spa" trip). I went to canyons, the Caddy Ranch, ate incredible Mexican food, saw where wind was farmed, had Dyers BBQ...ooohhh Dyers how I will miss you...all after work obviously :)

At the time I was sort of getting out of a very quick, somewhat of a relationship if you would say with a guy who had just moved to DC..so I had work book my flight to go straight there to spend the weekend visiting him for his birthday. We cut ties right before my trip so I was still on the fence on whether or not I should even go. The week was ending and my time to part ways from good ol' Texas was arriving so I had to make my decision and act quickly. I had already booked my one day flight home from DC to Tampa for Sunday and all flights leaving from Amarillo to Tampa were $350...what to do, what to do??? I hadn't heard much from this guy all week so I was pretty much over the decision to go to DC and see him. I booked my flight home to Tampa and that was that.

The day I was supposed to leave was Thursday and it was a jam packed day. I worked all day then drove to the Palo Duro Canyon, spray painted a few more cute things at the Caddy Ranch then made my way to the airport. Now, at this point I was pretty exhausted and not looking my best. The canyon and the CRanch were pretty dusty and I was in a white dress...so use your imagination please. It wasn't cute. Anyway, so I make my flight and head from Amarillo to Dallas. My flight was scheduled to land in Dallas around 8:00 and my connecting flight leaving Dallas was scheduled for 9:00. Plenty of time to get from one gate to the other. As we're flying the pilot announces that there is bad weather over Dallas so we will either have to land at another airport and wait out the storm or we'll have to circle the airport and try to land on the opposite side where it was clearing up. 8:45 rolls around and it has become clear to everyone on the plane that we were going to miss our connecting flight. Not sure what was going to happen once we landed I just sat back and chuckled a little because like my family always says "if it’s going to happen to anyone, it’s going to happen to me".

We finally land and everyone in the airport is running around like maniacs because every connecting flight had already left and everyone missed them. I get to the desk and the woman says to me that the next flight out isn't until 8:30 the following morning. Of course it wasn't....I had no clothes to change into, nothing to wash my face with, no makeup....nothing but a laptop and thank GOD my cell phone charger. I had never been stranded at an airport overnight before and for some reason I had it in my head that we weren't allowed to leave. Im stressing at this point and I ask the woman at the counter "what am I suppose to do??". She replies with, "get a hotel?". Clearly this is normal this to do but I did not realize this. I get my hotel booked and the shuttle comes 40 mins later to pick me up. We (about 10 other passengers in the same predicament I am in) arrive at the hotel that is 10 miles away from the airport and the shuttle drive tells us that he will be back at 6:00am to pick up back up. Lovely...

I get about 3 hours of sleep because I’m paranoid that I'm going to miss my alarm, miss the shuttle and subsequently miss my flight (again). I wake up, get on the shuttle, and arrive at the airport. All I can think about is a cup of coffee... that could possibly have the chance of being spiked with tequila that then might also have the chance of actually tasting good. Knowing my odds were slim to none I buy the largest cup of Dunkins I am able to find and sit at my gate and patiently wait to board my flight.

As I am sitting at the gate I happen to look up every so often and see this delicious hunk of pilot goodness that keeps walking back and forth in front of me. Oblivious to my surroundings and unaware of the possibility that he could see me gocking at him, I just shameless stare. Up to this point, I had in my head that every time I saw a good-looking pilot, it had to be Jake...right?? (ladies you have to know who Jake is). But he was way better in my eyes. Salt and pepper bunch of yumminess this one was. Knowing I look of death and thank the Lords above that I happened to travel with mascara for this trip, I try and make myself blend in so he doesn't see me.

A few more minutes go by and they start calling for my flight to board. So relieved I can finally sit back and relax, I gather my things and head over to stand to hear my group called. As I get closer I notice my silver fox is standing at my gate as well. They call my group so I head over...hes in front of me. Im standing behind him, just kinda half asleep, shamelessly checking him out and reading his little name tag that was on his bag. "Cute first name" I thought, couldn't really pronounce his last name but hey, it flowed. Anyway, as were walking to our seats down the aisle I notice all of the women in the back of the place checking him out. Of course Im thinking..."yeah bitches he's with me", but clearly that wasn't the case. The whole time we're walking all I was saying was "please be in row 23, please be in row 23, please make this trip really worth it"...and then what happens? He stops at row 22 and starts to load his bags in the storage bin up top. As he's doing this, his glasses fall off of his shirt, so obviously I pick them up, one because thats the nice thing to do and two...ice breaker!

I then sit down on the aisle seat in row 23 thinking that was my seat. Then he tells me its his...my first reaction is "thank GOD I got the window" then it was "omg is this really happening??" We sit down and neither one of us is hoping the middle seat is filled. He probably didn't want it to be filled because he's not a short man and it would probably be a little cramped as where me on the other hand, I just wanted to look at him. The flight is about to get going and I grab my gum from my purse then offer him some. He takes a piece then offers me his shoe and cell phone...not sure why but it was cute. Then we start yapping...and yapping and really don't stop for more than maybe 2 minutes or so at a time. We talked about our jobs, relationships, our HORRIBLE luck with relationships, how much we love dogs, traveling, our families...you name it we probably talked about it. He was telling me about the airline he works for and how its based in Clearwater and that he would be down here for two weeks for a training sometime...didn't remember when but definitely took note to that. This was probably the first and only flight I did not want to end.

As we landed I did my "deep breathes" and braced myself to hopefully not crash and he was super nice and calmed me down a little. Once we got off the plane we started walking and talking about what our plans were for the weekend and then he said he was going to run to the restroom but that he would meet me in baggage claim. No big deal, I was heading that way and would see him there. As I got to the other side of the airport I got a text saying my friend was picking me up inside instead waiting in his car. Very gentlemanly thing to do but at that moment all I could think of was "omg I can't go to baggage claim with another guy!!" Then I realize my bags arrived the night before with the original flight so I couldn't even go to baggage claim!" Ugh just when I thought the trip was ending great...something had to bring it down. I get my bags, my friend drops me off and I then pass out from being up for over 24 hours almost.

The next day I wake up and all I can freaking think about is this dreamy pilot I had an amazing encounter with but had NO clue what his last name was so there was no way to get in touch with him. Not knowing why or if I should even worry about him every again, I couldn't get him off of my mind. He may not have even noticed that I wasn't at baggage claim but the thought that he did, I just felt terrible. I got on my computer that night and was telling my girlfriend Patti all about it and how it sounds crazy but I had to find this guy. I searched and searched but nothing was coming up...probably because I had no clue what to search for...but I was trying.

A few days go by and I have dinner and drinks with my girlfriend and then she asks if I want to come hang out with her and her pilot friend. "Pilot?? What airline does he fly for??" She tells me, and I say "well that’s the wrong one, he needs to fly for ___" Then she goes on to tell me that he used to and that they know a higher up for the company. Not knowing why I asked this, I then go on to explain why..Once she realizes the significance of the airline she braces me because I almost fall of my chair with disbelief that I could actually get in contact with this guy! Patiently waiting for her friend's arrival, he finally comes and maybe let him get 3 words in before I said "You have to find someone for me". He is a little taken back so I tell him the story, shorter version of course and he goes "well didn't you think to get his contact info or anything since you guys had this amazing heart to heart?" I tell him I couldn't go to baggage claim and that totally threw it off! Once he realizes I am a pain in the ass and will not let him forget to help me or say he won't help me, he shrugs his shoulders and says he will make a phone call and try and find out what he can. I told him all I want is a last name because I know a first.

Weeks go by again and nothing. He still hadn't heard from this contact that he knew and I was starting to get bummed and was coming to terms with the fact that I may never speak to this man again. Then my birthday comes around. My girlfriend and I are out having a drink and he comes, before he sits down I told him that he wasn't allowed to be there unless he had a name for me...so he tries another option that he didn't previously think of. 20 mins go by and he grabs his phone and smiles. Asks me how I much I love him and then shows me the screen and I see it. Couldn't believe it...there it was! Still can't pronounce it but I knew it was the one! He then tells me to email him at his first initial, last name @_____.com so I do. I waste NO time and on my birthday, at the bar I pull out my phone and nervously type a message to a man I had a chance encounter with on a plane and pray he doesn't think I am crazy...

Days go by and I don't head anything. Obviously he thinks I'm crazy and is totally freaked out by this all... then it happens. I check my email one day and there is was...HE WROTE BACK!!! I couldn't believe it! He was shocked, surprised but happy to hear from me. He referenced a few things from our conversation on the plane and kept it short and sweet. In the email I sent for the first time I asked him if he had done his training down here yet and when he replied he said he had just left the previous week after being down here for TWO FULL WEEKS! Just my luck right? 4 days after he leaves I find him...

We messaged each other for a few weeks via email then one day while in Orlando with my girlfriend I wake up to a text message from him. ( I had given him my number in an email previously)...I was BEAMING and just so excited. I still hadn't wrapped my brain around the fact that I was actually communicating with this guy! What are the odds of this happening??

A few more weeks go by and I get a text saying he might be coming into town because their plane was having problems. I was leaving that week for a trip to Miami for work but I would be gone less than 24 hrs so the odds of him coming within that time frame are slim to none...right? I land in Miami to turn on my phone and find a text saying "Im in St. Pete". My stomach was in my throat and I wanted to cry. (not literally but couldn't believe it) As my flight was taking off from Tampa, his was landing (no joke) "TWICE???? Twice I missed him and when was 20 mins away from my house??" I thought... I was scheduled to come back at 4:3opm the following day and just knew he would be gone by then. I had my girlfriends saying they would go mess the plane up so he was stranded longer...but clearly that wasn't going to happen. I just was sick about it. I couldn't believe it was happening but there was nothing I could do so I had to get over it. "Was I ever going to get the chance to see him again?? All I want is to have a cup of coffee with the guy and let me see me not looking like a semi had just plowed over me!" I woke up to a text at around 8:30 am saying he had already left town...

He has almost come back to town one other time since then, but it was a false alarm. He and I are still in contact with each other but who knows when he'll make it here again.. I have no crazy expectations about any of this but all I want is to just see the man again and have another great conversation over a good cup of Joe... (made at my house of course :)

"No girl wakes up in the morning saying I hope I dont get swept off my feet today"...

What is it about love that gets us women just stupid over? I mean...as much as we say we love being single and don't need a man in our lives to be happy, we are constantly fixated on cheesy love story chick flicks.

No matter how over a guy I am or how much fun I just had with my girlfriend on our "night out"...I still get a lil' bummed when I hear a male escort tell a beautiful redhead "I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met"...Name that movie. "Why can't a guy say that to me?" I think, as I sit on my couch with a bowl of Cookie N Cream BlueBell ice cream...The slightest inclination of a romantic gesture in a movie makes me melt...what the hell? Does this just mean I'm a hopeless romantic or just a fool??? I don't fall for those lines in real life so why let myself get all gushy over a movie?

Guys are not how they are in those movies and that alone screws with us! Men nowadays don't know how to chase a woman! They just move onto the next one that comes along because it's easier and less work. In the movies, they jump through hurdles, almost get hit by cars because they're running across traffic to catch a cab to the airport to stop the plane that the woman they can't live without just got on...whatever!

Why aren't there any movies out there that give us the chance to show a man's weaknesses? I'd love to see something like "He's Just Not That Into You"...but from a woman's perspective and our side of the story. I truly do find it interesting, the polar opposite ways men and women view certain situations in dating. A lot of times, as I've stated before that, just because we may seem that we're smitten for a guy...we're still a little iffy about him and he probably annoys us a little. Its mainly the "idea" of what could possibly come one day in the future that makes us smitten. As we're sort of into them and just honestly going day by day with the relationship, they're telling their buddies how much they've got us wrapped around their finger...

Its fascinating I tell ya!

Green Eggs & Ham

Where do I begin with this one? The one thing that drives me most crazy about guys is when things are going well and you're both happy in a relationship whether it be the beginning, middle or end...they freak out. I mean seriously...just because we're having a great time doesn't mean I'm going home and adding to my wedding scrapbook (I don't really have one of those). I can't stand it! They automatically think that because we're girls that we are instantly falling in love with them, when yes we're smitten most of the time and talking to our girlfriends about you...a lot, but the majority of the time were prob bitching about something you do that drives us nuts.

This guy was a little like that. No matter how well things were going he always made a point to have to say "Well I'm still trying to figure things out". What a way to make someone feel good huh? I myself take awhile to figure things out when I'm dating someone but I don't bring it up all the time, I just roll with it.

We had a great relationship in the beginning. Soon after we met he got hired to do a job in a big city in the mid-west. I wasn't sure what was going to happen but I just was going to go day by day and see where it took us. The day before he was to leave, his parents were in town. I didn't think I was going to be able to see him then and had accepted it. But he called and wanted to get together so we did. Had a great time, I met his uncle...just a good night in general.

I had said to my girlfriend prior to this evening that I figured in a few months I would probably think about going up to visit him depending on where we were. Notice I said a few months...because I'm thinking ahead and not getting to excited too soon about the "right now". Well on the ride to dinner he says to me "I'm going to miss you! You have to come up and visit!" I was a little shocked he said that so soon but rolled with it.

Days go by and he leaves. Not two days go by that he doesn't say to me "I miss you. When are you coming up? Lets plan it". Again, I'm shocked because this is the guy who a week ago said "I'm still trying to figure things out". I just go with it and we start planning.

I go and visit the next month and we have fun. I'm planned to be there for 5 days. The day before I leave he asks me to stay longer and changes my flight to the following weekend to be on his flight for his trip back for the weekend.

As the week went on, the fact that we were in a small hotel room together for 10 days started taking its toll. I did not get any sleep while I was there because he snored like crazy. He never used to in FL but I don't know if it was the weather or something up there but man...it was rough on my sleep having to hear it. It got to the point where I made him sleep on the pull out couch in the hotel room because it made it easier to tune it out. Even then it was hard...

Months went by and his time up there was done and he moved back to FL full time. This was the first time we had ever been in the same city together seriously so I knew it was going to be an interesting ride for both of us. We went from seeing each other 4 days a month to almost everyday. I was loosing my mind. He's a nice guy but I need my space. He's the kind of guy that when I say something, he HAS to disagree. I don't believe that a couple should have the same views on everything but when its EVERYTHING, its a little too much to deal with. If I said the sky is blue, he would say it was grey...I couldn't deal.

A month or so went by and I had heard the "I'm still figuring this out" line a few more times but ignored it. I wanted to plan a fun lil' weekend for us to Cocoa because there was a night launch scheduled. He had never seen a shuttle launch and since the program was ending soon he would probably not be able to see one if we didn't go now. Plus, a night launch is the only and best way to watch it so we had to go! We were going to stay at a hotel the night before because traffic was going to be horrendous the day of then spend the day at the beach the following day then watch it from the beach. Being that he wanted to disagree he told me that we should just leave at 10 the next day and then come back that night. I just said fine because I knew he wasn't going to listen.

We leave to head over to the East Coast around 9 and around 10:30 he realizes hes hungry. Theres only one place Ive ever gone for breakfast back home and that's Kay's. So its the first place I thought of so I called my mom to see what time they stopped serving breakfast. We had plenty of time so I that's where we decided to go. Now, I had not planned on him meeting my family at this point. I wasn't ready for that so I just told my mom and she understood. Well, when I called her again to make sure we would make it in time she answered the phone laughing. Her, my father, step-mom and sister were at Kay's finishing up eating and were wanting to meet him. I was a little nervous because again, I wasn't planning it. He got quiet and just looked straight again. I apologized because I'm sure he got nervous about meeting everyone. I was nervous as well but thought, well it has been roughly 6 months that we've been dating so whats the big deal right?

Breakfast went smoothly, the we went to the beach soon after. He wanted to walk, I wanted to relax...that bothered him. Once again, something we disagreed on. The day went on and my dad called and asked if we wanted to watch the shuttle from the boat...possibly the best way to see it because you can get about a mile off of the launch pad so we said yes. While we were waiting for my dad at the boat ramp he expresses that he's bored. I couldn't believe it. Here I am trying to do something special for him, something that he wouldn't be able to experience again in this way and he tells me that hes bored.

Fuming from that I try and calm down as best I can because I'm just in shock of his lack of appreciation. We go see the launch, its beautiful, then we head back on the boat, in the dark...kinda scary but fun as well. While we were coming back we go under the bridge that takes you to the Space Center. It is bumper to bumper for about 7 miles...could be less could be more. At that moment I smile a little because I remember telling him how bad the traffic was going to be all day and he didn't believe me.

We start heading back shortly after and he expresses that he doesn't think the traffic will be that bad because it had been 2 hours since the launch had gone up. Of course, I don't know what I'm talking about right? I mean I only grew up there and over the years had seen about a million launches but... He had to disagree once again.

We get on the interstate and it looks like the traffic is surprisingly going very smoothly so... he kinda bows up a little because in his mind he's proved me wrong. Then...we go around the ramp and are actually on the interstate at this point and it is bumper to bumper as far as we can see. I then snuggle in my seat, pleased because like always I'm right (sort of kidding) and get ready for the long drive back. The first hour and 1/2 of the ride are in silence. I'm irritated, but not with the traffic but I'm running through my head that he had the nerve to tell me he was bored earlier.

I proceed to ask him what was wrong. He then starts to go on about how we just don't get along, he thinks its funny, then says "I just don't know how I feel" which is another way of saying "I'm still just trying to figure this out". I then loose it. I'm so tired of hearing his crap by this point that I can't take it anymore. He then brings up the fact that he didn't want to meet my family and knew I had planned it like that the whole time. I again loose it because I had said to him when I found out we were meeting them at dinner that I had known nothing about it, which was the truth. I quickly told him to get off of his pedestal and to get over himself as fast as he possibly could because I didn't WANT him to meet my parents. I had no planned that , they threw it on me when I called. He still didn't believe me. In my head now I'm thinking..."Who is this guy? What does he think is so special about him that I would sneak a meeting with my parents AFTER I told him I wasn't ready for that?!" But this goes back to him always having to disagree with everything I say or do...I'm fuming by this point.

We argue more and he then says the winner. "I just don't have the same feelings for you as I did for my ex girlfriend" WWHHHAAATTT??? The audacity I thought. Who says that? They dated YEARS prior and that was his first love. Who in their right mind would think that you're going to have the same feelings for someone else as you did for your first love. He didn't see that. I said to him that I was NOT his ex girlfriend (Shes trash), the kind of love for her he had is completely different than the kind he'll have for anyone else because 1. She was his first love so... duh, 2. You love people for different reasons, 3. Im NOT her so of course you're not going to have the same feelings. and 4. That was years ago..you're a different person now so I would think you would have a different mentality by now...but obviously not right?

I could go on for 6 more pages about the stupid things he said that night that made no sense but you get the gist. Once we got home from 4 hours of driving that normally takes 2, he was exhausted. I made him sleep on the couch and he left in the morning. I couldn't look at him the same after the things he said. Normally I get over things quickly but this I could not move past. He kept trying and trying but I wasn't having it. After awhile we tried to make it work. He soon found out that he was going to have to move sooner than he thought and was not going to have a place to stay. I let him stay with me for a few months and we soon started to drive each other nuts. He didn't care about finding a job, sat on the computer all day playing poker. When he wasn't playing poker online he was at the dog track playing. He had no ambition to do anything with him life and it drove me insane. I couldn't take it anymore. Everything he did drove me to drink. It wasn't anything too serious but because I was so irritated seeing him be lazy and hearing him laughing about being on unemployment I couldn't stand it any longer.

He soon decided that his best option was to move back home and live in his parents basement. Enough said...

Aunt Julie

This is mainly a vent session about a recent, very quick somewhat of a relationship I had with a guy.

Now when a girl thinks about the kind of man that she wants to be with and the traits that she finds attractive in a one, she makes a mental note of each and takes it with her through her trials of dating.

We as women are realistic with these traits and know that it is very few and far between that we will actually find a man who has all of them because we understand that no one is perfect. I mean of course we think we are, but we understand that they're not going to be.

I on the other hand, did find my perfect man. When I met him, or well started "talking" to him I was in shock. Couldn't believe it. Thought to myself, this is exactly what I want, he is exactly what I am looking for in a partner in life and had never laughed as much with anyone as I did with him. He has a way with his words that just make you feel at ease with any situation you're faced with. We had an instant connection and our chemistry was nothing like I have ever felt before. It had to be a match right? I mean it only made sense...to me anyway

He and I talked on the phone for roughly 2 weeks before actually meeting. The anticipation was so built up to be perfect that there was no way that it could be anything less. We got along great, had the same views on most things, had the same goals, wanted the same things in a spouse...I'd never had that with anyone. I had never felt so comfortable with someone in my life so quickly so I was somewhat scared because of what it could become to and also excited at the same time.

Being that we both had such high expectations of each other and how it will go we almost set ourselves up for failure. He drove down to meet me late on Wednesday with plans to stay until Saturday morning. Wednesday night was perfect...Beyond perfect to say the least. The chemistry was intense and the feeling I had was even better. We went to sleep soon after he arrived and when we woke up I felt like things were off. No snuggling, no kissing, no good morning, just rolled out of bed and brushed his teeth. I didn't say anything but made a mental note. I had a girlfriend staying with me at the same time so it made things a little easier for me because having her there kind of made me not think too much about the morning.

The day was spent at the mall, he shopped, she shopped, had a great lunch, saw a movie then got dessert. It was a lot of fun and went so smoothly that I forgot about how the morning was a little off. Once we got home, things just got better. We goofed off with a lil fashion show of the things he had purchased that day then decided to go to bed soon after. Things were fine still , a few things happened while in bed that again made morning's awkwardness seem like it was just me being a girl. Until we woke up the following morning,

Now I could cut the tension I felt. If you're into someone, why just get up and not do a lil morning "snug" session...I mean that's the best in my mind. Once I noticed it again I took into account the morning before and then got really nervous. I noticed his mood had changed, he was not affectionate in the slightest and sat on the opposite side of the couch. I don't get upset about things very often and usually just brush them off but this was killing me. I was crazy about this guy and it was obvious he wasn't feeling the same.

I wanted to just ask him straight up and see if he would just tell me he was over it, or that I was ugly or that he just didn't feel the same as he did the first night, but really just wanted HIM to bring it up. I hate having to ask or always fish it out to have a guy finally just say it. I knew I would be crushed because I knew what he was going to tell me if I did ask but I still wanted him to tell me. I kept having to walk out of the room every so often because my eyes would kinda water and I did not want him to see. We were still able to laugh and talk but he wouldn't look at me and it killed me.

As the day went on we decided to go to the baseball game. I felt terrible because I wanted to buy the tickets for us because he had done so much already but I ran into a speed bump and couldn't swing it. We ended up going and had a good time. He didn't talk much except a few comments about the game but I still tried to make the best of it when inside I was torn up.

I hated it though because I'm usually a very outgoing person, can talk to anyone and make any situation fun even if I'm upset about it. But this time I couldn't. I was "off" the whole time he was here because I noticed his demeanor had changed and I didn't know what to do or how to fix it. We had a good time once we got home, laughed a little then decided to go to bed. Then he laid it on me...

"I think I'm going to sleep on the couch"...that's when I knew he was over it. He said it was because he wanted to get a good nights sleep before he left in the morning but I didn't buy it but rolled with it. I got a little choked up when I went in my room but kept it to myself and quickly sucked it up. I became a little irritated because he wouldn't just tell me what was up because at this point, it was going to crush me either way.

The morning came, I heard him walking around and I woke up. Laid in bed a little and looked at the ceiling thinking of what I was going to say if anything and how to react to it all. He came in smiling, looking obnoxiously adorable that I then became pissed again. How can he be so cute and so sweet and have those freaking dimples...Why isn't he into me? What did I do? Is he not attracted to me? What is it about me that makes him not want to barely look at me? All of this is running through my head at this point and eating away at me...

We hugged and then he walked out the door and that was it...He never brought it up, never said anything about how he was feeling, what he was thinking and why, he just left. Said he would call when he made it home but even then I doubted he would bring it up or let alone even call.

I went back to bed, laid there with my dog for a few, got choked up a little (again) and then decided to text him. I didn't want to call because I didn't want him to hear me upset at this point. I just basically said that it was obvious that he wasn't feeling it like he was when he first got here. He said yes, that it wasn't the same chemistry that we had on the phone, he felt terrible bc he had gotten his hopes up the same as I did. I was crushed, I knew things were off but I wasn't sure if it was because I was so nervous and wasn't myself and was beating myself up over it. I asked him if it was anything I had done, or if it was physical or what? He kinda beat around the bush about it for a min then laid it on me...

"You reminded me of my aunt and it just freaked me out. Sorry there is nothing you did or could do. It only got worse once I saw it?" ....WHAT??? I was speechless. Now I've heard everything and anything you can imagine as to why someone is not into me but that one has seriously taken the top spot. I didn't know whether to believe him because it was a little bit of a lame excuse but I guess if it was the truth and when he did realize it he couldn't look at me the same way. I was CRUSHED...I can't even explain it. The fact that I had and have no control over it and can't do anything to fit it is killing me and was killing me the whole day.

I have no been able to shake it since. I was crazy about this guy and kind of still am. Besides the reason I was given and how random it was, the fact that there is NOTHING I can do about it and theres not a chance to have a 2nd chance to maybe show him the real me, not the nervous unsure of what was going on me.

I haven't spoken to him since and don't foresee him calling me anytime soon. I'd like to talk to him about it but I know that once a man is done, hes done...

Relationships...these are not my words but I love what it says

I wish I could claim these words as my own but they aren't and I don't know who's they are but I still would like to share it. When I read it the first time it made so much sense and really opened my eyes when it comes to relationship advice so enjoy :)

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.An African proverb states,

"Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self- esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.

Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other?

Do you bring out the best in each other?Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her.

You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong?

Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on their voicemail, cell phone or send a nice email.

Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation.

Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.

The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the I.

Not all men are annoying...some are dead

I have been over the rainbow and back again when it comes to dating and feel like it's time to tell my story and give women a good laugh and men a life lesson if I can. I was in a very serious relationship for alomst 4 years, roughly 4 years ago and it ended terribly. He cheated, like most men do, but with about 16 different girls and for awhile it really took its toll on me. I decided about 5 months after the break up to get back out there. And thats where this begins.

Pitty party for me yes, Ive never been able to find a man who just appreciates me for me and let that be enough for him. There's ALWAYS an ex that is still hanging around or they come up with some lame excuse as to why they don't want a relationship.

Its been 3.5 years now that Ive been single and living the life, so to speak, and have met a ton of guys, been on countless dates and NOTHING has worked out.
Anyway so my girlfriends want me to start taking notes and writing a book about ALL of the lines I've heard, break-up excuses I have been told, and just the asshole things that have been said to me....