"Wish I could say what it is I'd like to say but my tongue is twisted up and tied away" -Rebelution

I think this is the first time in my life that I am left not knowing when or how to go about saying something that is on my mind. I usually have this very up front, honest, no holds bar way of going about anything that is bothering me or anything that I feel could be easily fixed with a simple conversation. So what to do? Let it go? Give it time with high hopes that the issue will rectify on its own? Casually bring it up to see if it has any hopes to get fixed? Who knows…

The past couple of months have been pretty stressful and I’m really trying to keep a positive outlook on everything that happens and with everyone that comes into my life going forward. I’ve always been pretty good at making the best out of every situation I’m thrown into but there are a few lately that are just too much of headache when it’s all said and done.

Now I am always on board for a good change now and again but usually my kind of change means moving around my apartment, painting my kitchen or going on a weekend trip for a short change of scenery. When someone’s demeanor or personality changes drastically it’s hard to be on board with it and not want to ask what happened. If the change is for the better then there isn’t really a need to talk about it but it’s just important to be appreciative of it and be aware of it at the same time. But if the change has a negative effect on how they treat you then I believe the approach should be to not let it go unnoticed and to definitely say something. The dilemma I am having is...how soon is too soon to bring it up?

So the holidays are officially around the corner and it didn’t hit home to me until I watched Oprah’s Favorite Things episode the other day. This is the first year that I can honestly say I am not AS excited as I have been during previous years. No particular reason really, maybe just getting older? But if getting older means you don’t get excited about holidays then I think that’s a load of crap. It’s been really hard to sit back and watch my family grow apart and not appreciate each other like we use to. I know things happen and people change but family is family and no matter what happens you love them for who they are is how I see it. I used to love talking to people about how funny, witty and close my family was. (Keyword: was) I feel like that is all in the past and that no one cares to get back to that. I have friends who don’t have families or parents or have lost a parent and it makes me sick to think my family is becoming so self absorbed that they can’t even see that we’re so lucky to still have each other to cherish AND to spend holidays together. If my grandfather were still alive he would beat the hell out of everyone and tell them to get their shit together and get over it. There is no way in hell he would be ok with how things are now with everyone and I wish there was a way I just could fix it. It just makes me not want to come home for holidays anymore…which sucks. I love everyone in my family more than they will ever know, which makes it so hard to sit back and watch all of this unfold.

I went out to the beach a couple days ago and caught up with a good friend of mine who I’ve been cancelling plans with for what seems to be months now! I’m really glad we got a chance to catch up and talk about how our lives are going because it was something that I needed. There is something so refreshing when it comes to hearing that one of your good friends is having such amazing things happen for them.

I’ve wanted to write a new post for the past couple of weeks now but didn’t really know which approach to take and I still really don’t know where I am even going with this one if I’m being honest. Hopping from topic to topic randomly seems to be the way I'm going about it. I think I just felt the need to get a few things off my chest casually but when I really think about it I don’t even think I’ve even tipped the iceberg. I wish I could go down the list of things that I have running through my head and fix all of them. But with all things in life…God never slams a door in your face without opening a box of Girl Scout cookies… Happy Graciasgiving everyone.

PS. Mom, I love you

"You're the best decision I ever made, I just forgot"

The only thing that seems logical to do at the moment while watching one of the most uplifting and inspirational movies that came out last year (I think it was last year) is to blog of course. Julie & Julia is the movie I’m referring to. While some may just see it as a funny “chick flick” about cooking, others, like myself, see it as a heartwarming story about a woman who digs deep and figures out a way to do what SHE loves. The way she hates her job, watches in agony as her best girlfriends succeed in their high paying assistant having careers yet still finds such joy in something so simple as making a good meal. Just goes to show that no matter how complex everyone else’s life may come across when put up next to your, what you seem to think of as an insignificant life, that it doesn’t really matter in the end. The only thing that will leave you with no “what ifs” at night is to simply do what makes you happy and do what you love and by that my friend, you will be the one who is the most rewarded with “the goodness”.


I am at the point right now where I somewhat envy the things I see my friends doing with their lives. I have been out of work since December and have been having a lot of fun while not working with all of my trips and such but at the end of the day I’m constantly stressed out about money. It has a way of consuming every bit of my thoughts and how I take hold of my days going forward. I try my hardest to recognize the amazing things I have surrounding me right now such as how incredibly patient and overwhelmingly supportive my friends and family have been with me while I’ve struggled to hash through this stressful period. Like all things, it WILL get better…it has to! The only way to succeed in life is to be positive and believe that although there are times “when your face looks like a punching bag and you’re elbow deep in Kleenex”, (name that movie) it will get better and the perfect sunset you see every day while walking your adorable dog, will be there to greet you again. “You just have to get up and look for it. The sunset isn’t going to smack you in the face if you’re sitting on your couch feeling sorry for yourself!” is what I tell myself every day.

As I sit here and ramble about how doing what makes you happy is the way to truly live your life the way it should be lived…I need to tell myself the same thing. Photography is my passion. Is has been my vice, so to speak from as far back as I can remember. It has never been something that I’ve wanted to do as a profession because I always assumed it would take the fun out of it for me. I’m uninterested in boring, portrait style photography…I love to merely capture a moment. Moments can’t be staged as far as I’m concerned and when they are, its obvious and it makes my skin crawl. Whether it be a 2 year old holding his favorite freshly picked yellow “wower” aka flower in a seemingly perfect day at the park with his mom or capturing the absolute silence in a steering wheel that was once driven by your late uncle…it’s a moment in time that speak volumes. I thank my father for teaching me my way through a lens and showed me that it isn’t silly to love it. “Don’t ever delete a picture” is what he says to me. Since I was a kid, he and I would walk around anywhere and beat each other to saying “wow…that’s a picture” (I said it first you owe me a beer). I drive my friends crazy with my picture taking. Whether it be a split second I see between my friend and her boyfriend, a moment that everyone else is blind to, or just a fun candid while out having a few beers with the people I love the most… they’re memories and they’re what make my days better in the end. All of the shots I’ve produced have been armaturely taken with a basic point and shoot camera, (expect for the so few times I was able to borrow my sister’s big boy) and I can’t wait for the day that I can proudly go about putting my mark on this world by effortlessly capturing precious moments out of people’s lives that will then never be forgotten...with my very own "big boy Mac Daddy camera.

With all of that being said and while I still don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel I am starting to really put myself first again in the equation of what we call life. I’m the decision I make every morning, not anyone else’s. I’m the one who deserves my thoughts, not the guy who doesn’t call. I’m the one who determines my attitude for the day, not the bill I am about to open that will bring me to tears. I’m the person who is the most important, not anyone else…I may have forgotten that but don’t be fooled, it didn’t last long.

Perfect little boy handing his mama the yellow "wower"... Jayce Huff

RIP Uncle Jonnie

Inside Uncle Jonnie's jeep

Uncle Jonnie's old jeep

Sunset from Davis Island dog park (my view everyday)

Civil Rights Museum Memphis, TN

Memphis National Cemetery

Alcatraz

Alcatraz

Alcatraz

“Everyone that comes into my life is just whip cream, but I come in as the full sundae” –Jenny McCarthy

What happens when you come to a point in your life where the little things matter more and the thought of entertaining a trivial and meaningless argument (that has the opportunity to forever change your life) becomes insignificant in the big picture of what you see in your future? I’ll tell you what… when the realization of what truly matters in the grand scheme of things smacks you dead in the face.

I have only spent 27 years on this earth thus far and throughout my years I have had the opportunity to meet and love many different types of people. All of which I will say, have taught me something and have in turn have made me a better and more wise person since meeting them. Every place I go, whether it be the grocery store, mall, dog park or random coffee shop I usually have some sort of conversation with a total stranger. I had a dear friend of mine say to me recently that she notices I talk to the most random people at the most inopportune times, have the most off the wall stories and will meet anyone wherever I go. Being well aware of this before she pointed it out I just simply laughed and said “well don’t you?” To my surprise she said that she never does that and never tries to. The thought of going out of her way to meet someone new isn’t something on her agenda for any given day. She goes to the grocery store, goes about her business and carries on with her day content with never meeting a stranger. I on the other hand, will sit and talk to the cashier at Sweet Bay for 20 minutes about different types of coffee we’ve tried, where to find it and so forth. While on trips I love meeting people that work in the places I adore to shop at and chatting them up or just striking up a conversation with someone at a park who just so happens to be sitting close to me on a bench. I love the idea of never knowing who that person is, who they were early in life or who they are aspiring to be but learning so much about then as we chat. Hearing and learning about how other people live and view society is something I crave. You never know where it is you’ll end up in life so I try and somehow stay in contact with whomever I meet randomly. Who knows, maybe I’ll move to San Diego and need to find a place to live. The really nice guys I met while out in Savannah who live there might be able to lend a helping hand.

I have friends who look at someone and judge them instantly, or will throw out a dirty look if someone just so happens to walk too close to them or talk too loud. There have been times that we all do these sorts of things and we seem to think of ourselves as pretty normal right? There have been times when I’m with my girlfriends at dinner and during conversation my reaction to something one of us is saying or vice versa is so profound that a “louder” response is the only thing that comes out of my mouth. It does not make me trashy or classless, nor does it make the person next to me who happens to do it if in turn the situation were switched… it just says to me that the person who is experiencing this reaction is having a fantastic night. I can’t say enough how much I love seeing people who are in a uncontrollable belly laugh with their loved one or a close friend. I try to imagine what could be so funny to have made them shed tears of laughter. I know how incredible it feels to I have one of those moments with someone I love, and when you’ve stopped laughing long enough to take a deep breath to soak up the moment, you have not a care in the world. It definitely puts a smile on my face while seeing other people experience it.

Having experienced many good laughs in my day I would say those are the moments I live for. I love the simple things in life and can say I always have but am now starting to try and really focus on them more; especially when it comes to my everyday life and the choices I make that will possibly have an impact on my future. Whether it be with love, ending friendships, starting new ones or simply making a point to exercise outside at a certain time of day so that I can watch a remarkable sunset...it’s a choice I choose to make that will only end with a smile.

There is always something that drives you nuts about the person you adore. Those things, over time can start to eat away at the big picture if you let them and that is something I am personally working on with every relationship I find myself in. Whether you’re able to recognize it or not, if this person is somehow linked to a part of your happiness then it’s time for you to cut the crap and recognize what really matters. The things that drive you crazy are the things you will miss the most when they’re gone. From the snoring, to the t-shirts, the play by plays and the never-ending saga of not agreeing on food choices. If you can either sit back and realize that these quirks are what make this person who they are and you love them for that alone then you're on a great path. If you choose to sit and be miserable with not being able to see the good that comes from it then you are missing out my friend.

You can fool yourself into thinking that all of those “annoying” things are what really matter in the long run but at the end of the day, when that person’s laugh gives you butterflies you have to come to the decision and decide what really makes puts the cherry on your sundae of life. The butterflies and belly laughs or the snoring?

"Nobody puts Baby in the corner"

So Summer is officially up and running and I must say, it's pretty brutal. Between the nonstop thunderstorms, intoxicating heat and endless job search that I have been on; I can honestly say I can't wait 'til Fall, or to be back in San Francisco. Anyone who knows me knows that this time of year in Florida is my least favorite thing about living here. Each time I stand in the midst of the sun's blazing heat while covered in the ever increasing sticky sweaty feeling caused by the humidity, I plan where I want to move. It's honestly like clockwork.

So, as we all know most of my previous post have been a so-called bitch fest about my lack of interest in the dating world these days. I was so uninterested in it that it had gotten quite sad. I had been asked out a few times in the past couple of months but turned everyone down due to the fact that I couldn't bare to even begin to deal with the headache of it all. That all changed recently, shockingly enough it kind of did a few weeks ago actually. With that said, as I am still quite checked out of knowing how to honestly just "date" someone, I recently did meet an amazing guy who has pretty much thrown me totally for a loop by his ability to make me laugh, feel incredble about being exactly who I am and oddly enough make me love the word "Baby", which I had never liked before. While being able to do all of those great things, he also has this ever so endearing way to make me want to rip my hair out :) ...but then again, I think that has to go along with how I'm horrible at dating. I'm great at being in a relationship but the beginning is what I don't like. If I haven't already chased this poor man away with my pain in the ass ways this week, I'll be a smitten little lady for sure. By me saying he is anything short of amazing or that I really am going to keep him around for the long hall if he's willing to put up with me will be the understatement of the year. So cheers to you Coach P :)


I have been really trying to travel as much as possible lately, small trips and some big ones too. In exactly 18 days I will in Toronto with my sister visiting Philip and getting the VIP treatment like no other! After we leave Toronto Friday morning we're going to explore Niagara Falls all day then on Saturday I'm off to see two of my favorite people Vanessa and Nick get married :) . In the beginnging of August I want to go to Atlanta for the Giants vs Braves game to see my boys play as well as root for my girlfriend's husband who plays for the Giants...kill two birds with one big ol' stone right there. Savannah trip is in the works for August also for a friend's bachelorette party and I CANNOT wait for that...Georgia here I come!!!

Since this whole post was suppose to be pretty streamlined and about only one topic but has sense gone on to be about 567 others, lets just hop on over to another why don't we... I just want to say that I truly do believe I have some of the most incredible friends a girl could possibly ever ask for. I have had a pretty stressful past couple of months and they have all been by my side and listened to me complain about the same things over and over again without stopping me because they know I just need someone to listen. I've gotten to the point where I can honestly be out with a group of my best girls and literally sit back in my chair and beam over how happy they all make me. I think I acquired the ability to do that from my father. He has always taught me to just soak up every moment I'm in and cherish every little second that goes by.

"And go away where the grass turns green, and the sky is baby blue..."

This weather lately has been nothing but perfection and being outside as much as possible has been my main priority the past couple of days . I'm finally starting to feel better and shaking this nasty cold I have had for almost two weeks but I have a good feeling that it will be creeping back up after I torture my immune system this Wednesday for St. Patti's Day (I'm aware it's spelled wrong). I'm not really sure what's in store for the day but what I do know it that I got a new bright yellow dress (yes mother, I'm going to wear yellow) to wear. I need to seriously get to working on my tan starting tomorrow because according to my mother since I wasn't even born, "You don't look good in yellow" ...I will forever be traumatized from that.

Isn't it weird how little things like that stick with us through our whole lives? I was watching a recent show (Wife Swap) and the father blatantly stated how he brain washes his daughters about religion, dating, love, you name it. These girls think they have to pray for a husband and then he will basically magically appear for them. Now if that were only true!! To not have to deal with the hassle of dating and to know that the exact man we pray for will just show up someday. As incredible and ideal as that would be, I'd have to opt for the dramatic, exhausting, annoying, stressful trials of dating that my life has lead me down. As much as I used to write about it and want so much to be with someone, I can now sit back and say that I'm glad I went through that faze because I'm really settled and centered with where I'm at right now. I'm working on me, getting my life slowly back in order and just having a blast doing so. I can definitely say when I lay my head on my pillow at night, I'm smiling.

I've got a few trips planned this year and I can't wait for them to start happening!! So many weddings, bridal showers, parties, and little twins to go visit!! My sister and I will be visiting Niagara Falls later this year and I'm so so so excited about it. My lovely little lady Vanessa and her hubby Nick are getting married there and I asked my sister if she wanted to come so we could turn it into a site seeing extravaganza with heel clicker photos like you've never seen! I also want to go to Texas and see the twins my cousin is about to pop out!!! Between Claire's cheeks (my other cousin's baby girl) and those two babies, I need to get to Texas asap!!! Oh and my Aunt Terri will be thrilled to see me of course and make the Chicken Tetrazzini JUST for me! Grand Canyon is on the list as well as Cali to see Jenn. I want to get up to Savannah before the summer is here as well as before it gets super hot and humid outside. My mom, sister and I went last year for July 4th so maybe I'll see if some friends want to get together this year and make a little trip up to party time it and eat some good southern food! Does anyone else agree that Savannah, GA has the best sweet tea on the planet??? I could swim in it! As much as I would love to party on this trip, I would love to sit in one of the Squares on a bench and relax underneath those big beautiful Oak Trees! Miami might be on the list as well as Key West! This time, I will make sure that my Keys trip is not ruined by a hurricane and bad weather, which are technically the same thing I guess. I would love to get up to NY to see a few friends and see the city since I've never been!! And last but not least, the Cheery Blossom Festival in DC! I'm dying to see all of those trees covered in pink flowers! Watch the week I go, the wind will be blowing and they'll all fall off!

Fingers crossed all of my trips happen and go exceptionally well!!

"She's seduced by the sunsets and her new life at hand"

Still as happy as I could possibly be and loving every single aspect of my life right now. In the past 3 months I have met some incredible new people that I am very happy to call my friends as well as come to terms with certain friendships that are better off coming to a close. I love when someone new comes into your life unexpectedly and without knowing it they make everyday seem brighter than the one before. It just makes all of the stress or mishaps that you go through in life seem so insignificant because you look at everything differently from now on.


Have you ever had a friendship seem like more work than need be? I just recently ended a friendship with someone that I knew for many years because of a reason such as that and am still undecided on how I feel about it. With this person everything that was simple and easy was turned into this big ordeal and it was just too exhausting to put with anymore. I felt like every time we did something or went somewhere I couldn't be 100% relaxed because I didn't want to say or do something that she could turn into a dramatic event. I feel awful for basically ending the friendship but I just couldn't do it any longer. Am I the only one who has been through this? She's not a bad person or a horrible friend but she just isn't someone I am choosing to have in my life anymore. I'm not the kind of person who tells someone what they want to hear or sugar coats anything when they ask for advice or my opinion on something. By any means I am not saying that the way I go about things is the correct way but I will say that with this particular person, she would get upset with me when she would ask for advice and I wouldn't tell her what she wanted to hear. I can't put up with that, go to someone who doesn't care about you to tell you what you want to hear because then you'll never learn.

As a very dear friend to me once said "Friendships aren't about making up or getting back together, they're about being friends". (love) I think I should have in the long run sat down with her and probably talked everything out before just saying that "I've had it" ...but I truly don't think it would have done a damn bit of good because we had gone through the same exact issues in the past and nothing changed. I don't think it matters who was at fault in the situation, her or me; we're just better left as casual acquaintances in my eyes. Just as long as we both learn from the situation given to us and move forward with our lives in the best possible way.

Now that I've gotten that out, back to meeting new people and how they can forever change our lives. Some people are ordinary, some people are strange, some are more endearing than they'll ever realize, some are kind and sweet and just special with every word they speak and some are just simply amazing people without ever trying to be. When you can find someone that is all of that in one, you've got someone quite special I think. Whether it be for friendship, romantic purposes or simply an acquaintance, this person is so much more than what meets the eye and to say that it’s exciting... is an understatement. I believe every person who comes into your life, comes for a reason. If he or she is there to never leave or just passing through, the right person will forever leave an impact.

This year has only begun a few months ago but so far it seems to be a great one for me and I could not be in a happier place than I am. The people I have in my life at the moment couldn't be more incredible and the sparkle I that constantly lingers in my eyes wouldn't be there without all of them.