Aunt Julie

This is mainly a vent session about a recent, very quick somewhat of a relationship I had with a guy.

Now when a girl thinks about the kind of man that she wants to be with and the traits that she finds attractive in a one, she makes a mental note of each and takes it with her through her trials of dating.

We as women are realistic with these traits and know that it is very few and far between that we will actually find a man who has all of them because we understand that no one is perfect. I mean of course we think we are, but we understand that they're not going to be.

I on the other hand, did find my perfect man. When I met him, or well started "talking" to him I was in shock. Couldn't believe it. Thought to myself, this is exactly what I want, he is exactly what I am looking for in a partner in life and had never laughed as much with anyone as I did with him. He has a way with his words that just make you feel at ease with any situation you're faced with. We had an instant connection and our chemistry was nothing like I have ever felt before. It had to be a match right? I mean it only made sense...to me anyway

He and I talked on the phone for roughly 2 weeks before actually meeting. The anticipation was so built up to be perfect that there was no way that it could be anything less. We got along great, had the same views on most things, had the same goals, wanted the same things in a spouse...I'd never had that with anyone. I had never felt so comfortable with someone in my life so quickly so I was somewhat scared because of what it could become to and also excited at the same time.

Being that we both had such high expectations of each other and how it will go we almost set ourselves up for failure. He drove down to meet me late on Wednesday with plans to stay until Saturday morning. Wednesday night was perfect...Beyond perfect to say the least. The chemistry was intense and the feeling I had was even better. We went to sleep soon after he arrived and when we woke up I felt like things were off. No snuggling, no kissing, no good morning, just rolled out of bed and brushed his teeth. I didn't say anything but made a mental note. I had a girlfriend staying with me at the same time so it made things a little easier for me because having her there kind of made me not think too much about the morning.

The day was spent at the mall, he shopped, she shopped, had a great lunch, saw a movie then got dessert. It was a lot of fun and went so smoothly that I forgot about how the morning was a little off. Once we got home, things just got better. We goofed off with a lil fashion show of the things he had purchased that day then decided to go to bed soon after. Things were fine still , a few things happened while in bed that again made morning's awkwardness seem like it was just me being a girl. Until we woke up the following morning,

Now I could cut the tension I felt. If you're into someone, why just get up and not do a lil morning "snug" session...I mean that's the best in my mind. Once I noticed it again I took into account the morning before and then got really nervous. I noticed his mood had changed, he was not affectionate in the slightest and sat on the opposite side of the couch. I don't get upset about things very often and usually just brush them off but this was killing me. I was crazy about this guy and it was obvious he wasn't feeling the same.

I wanted to just ask him straight up and see if he would just tell me he was over it, or that I was ugly or that he just didn't feel the same as he did the first night, but really just wanted HIM to bring it up. I hate having to ask or always fish it out to have a guy finally just say it. I knew I would be crushed because I knew what he was going to tell me if I did ask but I still wanted him to tell me. I kept having to walk out of the room every so often because my eyes would kinda water and I did not want him to see. We were still able to laugh and talk but he wouldn't look at me and it killed me.

As the day went on we decided to go to the baseball game. I felt terrible because I wanted to buy the tickets for us because he had done so much already but I ran into a speed bump and couldn't swing it. We ended up going and had a good time. He didn't talk much except a few comments about the game but I still tried to make the best of it when inside I was torn up.

I hated it though because I'm usually a very outgoing person, can talk to anyone and make any situation fun even if I'm upset about it. But this time I couldn't. I was "off" the whole time he was here because I noticed his demeanor had changed and I didn't know what to do or how to fix it. We had a good time once we got home, laughed a little then decided to go to bed. Then he laid it on me...

"I think I'm going to sleep on the couch"...that's when I knew he was over it. He said it was because he wanted to get a good nights sleep before he left in the morning but I didn't buy it but rolled with it. I got a little choked up when I went in my room but kept it to myself and quickly sucked it up. I became a little irritated because he wouldn't just tell me what was up because at this point, it was going to crush me either way.

The morning came, I heard him walking around and I woke up. Laid in bed a little and looked at the ceiling thinking of what I was going to say if anything and how to react to it all. He came in smiling, looking obnoxiously adorable that I then became pissed again. How can he be so cute and so sweet and have those freaking dimples...Why isn't he into me? What did I do? Is he not attracted to me? What is it about me that makes him not want to barely look at me? All of this is running through my head at this point and eating away at me...

We hugged and then he walked out the door and that was it...He never brought it up, never said anything about how he was feeling, what he was thinking and why, he just left. Said he would call when he made it home but even then I doubted he would bring it up or let alone even call.

I went back to bed, laid there with my dog for a few, got choked up a little (again) and then decided to text him. I didn't want to call because I didn't want him to hear me upset at this point. I just basically said that it was obvious that he wasn't feeling it like he was when he first got here. He said yes, that it wasn't the same chemistry that we had on the phone, he felt terrible bc he had gotten his hopes up the same as I did. I was crushed, I knew things were off but I wasn't sure if it was because I was so nervous and wasn't myself and was beating myself up over it. I asked him if it was anything I had done, or if it was physical or what? He kinda beat around the bush about it for a min then laid it on me...

"You reminded me of my aunt and it just freaked me out. Sorry there is nothing you did or could do. It only got worse once I saw it?" ....WHAT??? I was speechless. Now I've heard everything and anything you can imagine as to why someone is not into me but that one has seriously taken the top spot. I didn't know whether to believe him because it was a little bit of a lame excuse but I guess if it was the truth and when he did realize it he couldn't look at me the same way. I was CRUSHED...I can't even explain it. The fact that I had and have no control over it and can't do anything to fit it is killing me and was killing me the whole day.

I have no been able to shake it since. I was crazy about this guy and kind of still am. Besides the reason I was given and how random it was, the fact that there is NOTHING I can do about it and theres not a chance to have a 2nd chance to maybe show him the real me, not the nervous unsure of what was going on me.

I haven't spoken to him since and don't foresee him calling me anytime soon. I'd like to talk to him about it but I know that once a man is done, hes done...