Where do I begin with this one? The one thing that drives me most crazy about guys is when things are going well and you're both happy in a relationship whether it be the beginning, middle or end...they freak out. I mean seriously...just because we're having a great time doesn't mean I'm going home and adding to my wedding scrapbook (I don't really have one of those). I can't stand it! They automatically think that because we're girls that we are instantly falling in love with them, when yes we're smitten most of the time and talking to our girlfriends about you...a lot, but the majority of the time were prob bitching about something you do that drives us nuts.
This guy was a little like that. No matter how well things were going he always made a point to have to say "Well I'm still trying to figure things out". What a way to make someone feel good huh? I myself take awhile to figure things out when I'm dating someone but I don't bring it up all the time, I just roll with it.
We had a great relationship in the beginning. Soon after we met he got hired to do a job in a big city in the mid-west. I wasn't sure what was going to happen but I just was going to go day by day and see where it took us. The day before he was to leave, his parents were in town. I didn't think I was going to be able to see him then and had accepted it. But he called and wanted to get together so we did. Had a great time, I met his uncle...just a good night in general.
I had said to my girlfriend prior to this evening that I figured in a few months I would probably think about going up to visit him depending on where we were. Notice I said a few months...because I'm thinking ahead and not getting to excited too soon about the "right now". Well on the ride to dinner he says to me "I'm going to miss you! You have to come up and visit!" I was a little shocked he said that so soon but rolled with it.
Days go by and he leaves. Not two days go by that he doesn't say to me "I miss you. When are you coming up? Lets plan it". Again, I'm shocked because this is the guy who a week ago said "I'm still trying to figure things out". I just go with it and we start planning.
I go and visit the next month and we have fun. I'm planned to be there for 5 days. The day before I leave he asks me to stay longer and changes my flight to the following weekend to be on his flight for his trip back for the weekend.
As the week went on, the fact that we were in a small hotel room together for 10 days started taking its toll. I did not get any sleep while I was there because he snored like crazy. He never used to in FL but I don't know if it was the weather or something up there but man...it was rough on my sleep having to hear it. It got to the point where I made him sleep on the pull out couch in the hotel room because it made it easier to tune it out. Even then it was hard...
Months went by and his time up there was done and he moved back to FL full time. This was the first time we had ever been in the same city together seriously so I knew it was going to be an interesting ride for both of us. We went from seeing each other 4 days a month to almost everyday. I was loosing my mind. He's a nice guy but I need my space. He's the kind of guy that when I say something, he HAS to disagree. I don't believe that a couple should have the same views on everything but when its EVERYTHING, its a little too much to deal with. If I said the sky is blue, he would say it was grey...I couldn't deal.
A month or so went by and I had heard the "I'm still figuring this out" line a few more times but ignored it. I wanted to plan a fun lil' weekend for us to Cocoa because there was a night launch scheduled. He had never seen a shuttle launch and since the program was ending soon he would probably not be able to see one if we didn't go now. Plus, a night launch is the only and best way to watch it so we had to go! We were going to stay at a hotel the night before because traffic was going to be horrendous the day of then spend the day at the beach the following day then watch it from the beach. Being that he wanted to disagree he told me that we should just leave at 10 the next day and then come back that night. I just said fine because I knew he wasn't going to listen.
We leave to head over to the East Coast around 9 and around 10:30 he realizes hes hungry. Theres only one place Ive ever gone for breakfast back home and that's Kay's. So its the first place I thought of so I called my mom to see what time they stopped serving breakfast. We had plenty of time so I that's where we decided to go. Now, I had not planned on him meeting my family at this point. I wasn't ready for that so I just told my mom and she understood. Well, when I called her again to make sure we would make it in time she answered the phone laughing. Her, my father, step-mom and sister were at Kay's finishing up eating and were wanting to meet him. I was a little nervous because again, I wasn't planning it. He got quiet and just looked straight again. I apologized because I'm sure he got nervous about meeting everyone. I was nervous as well but thought, well it has been roughly 6 months that we've been dating so whats the big deal right?
Breakfast went smoothly, the we went to the beach soon after. He wanted to walk, I wanted to relax...that bothered him. Once again, something we disagreed on. The day went on and my dad called and asked if we wanted to watch the shuttle from the boat...possibly the best way to see it because you can get about a mile off of the launch pad so we said yes. While we were waiting for my dad at the boat ramp he expresses that he's bored. I couldn't believe it. Here I am trying to do something special for him, something that he wouldn't be able to experience again in this way and he tells me that hes bored.
Fuming from that I try and calm down as best I can because I'm just in shock of his lack of appreciation. We go see the launch, its beautiful, then we head back on the boat, in the dark...kinda scary but fun as well. While we were coming back we go under the bridge that takes you to the Space Center. It is bumper to bumper for about 7 miles...could be less could be more. At that moment I smile a little because I remember telling him how bad the traffic was going to be all day and he didn't believe me.
We start heading back shortly after and he expresses that he doesn't think the traffic will be that bad because it had been 2 hours since the launch had gone up. Of course, I don't know what I'm talking about right? I mean I only grew up there and over the years had seen about a million launches but... He had to disagree once again.
We get on the interstate and it looks like the traffic is surprisingly going very smoothly so... he kinda bows up a little because in his mind he's proved me wrong. Then...we go around the ramp and are actually on the interstate at this point and it is bumper to bumper as far as we can see. I then snuggle in my seat, pleased because like always I'm right (sort of kidding) and get ready for the long drive back. The first hour and 1/2 of the ride are in silence. I'm irritated, but not with the traffic but I'm running through my head that he had the nerve to tell me he was bored earlier.
I proceed to ask him what was wrong. He then starts to go on about how we just don't get along, he thinks its funny, then says "I just don't know how I feel" which is another way of saying "I'm still just trying to figure this out". I then loose it. I'm so tired of hearing his crap by this point that I can't take it anymore. He then brings up the fact that he didn't want to meet my family and knew I had planned it like that the whole time. I again loose it because I had said to him when I found out we were meeting them at dinner that I had known nothing about it, which was the truth. I quickly told him to get off of his pedestal and to get over himself as fast as he possibly could because I didn't WANT him to meet my parents. I had no planned that , they threw it on me when I called. He still didn't believe me. In my head now I'm thinking..."Who is this guy? What does he think is so special about him that I would sneak a meeting with my parents AFTER I told him I wasn't ready for that?!" But this goes back to him always having to disagree with everything I say or do...I'm fuming by this point.
We argue more and he then says the winner. "I just don't have the same feelings for you as I did for my ex girlfriend" WWHHHAAATTT??? The audacity I thought. Who says that? They dated YEARS prior and that was his first love. Who in their right mind would think that you're going to have the same feelings for someone else as you did for your first love. He didn't see that. I said to him that I was NOT his ex girlfriend (Shes trash), the kind of love for her he had is completely different than the kind he'll have for anyone else because 1. She was his first love so... duh, 2. You love people for different reasons, 3. Im NOT her so of course you're not going to have the same feelings. and 4. That was years ago..you're a different person now so I would think you would have a different mentality by now...but obviously not right?
I could go on for 6 more pages about the stupid things he said that night that made no sense but you get the gist. Once we got home from 4 hours of driving that normally takes 2, he was exhausted. I made him sleep on the couch and he left in the morning. I couldn't look at him the same after the things he said. Normally I get over things quickly but this I could not move past. He kept trying and trying but I wasn't having it. After awhile we tried to make it work. He soon found out that he was going to have to move sooner than he thought and was not going to have a place to stay. I let him stay with me for a few months and we soon started to drive each other nuts. He didn't care about finding a job, sat on the computer all day playing poker. When he wasn't playing poker online he was at the dog track playing. He had no ambition to do anything with him life and it drove me insane. I couldn't take it anymore. Everything he did drove me to drink. It wasn't anything too serious but because I was so irritated seeing him be lazy and hearing him laughing about being on unemployment I couldn't stand it any longer.
He soon decided that his best option was to move back home and live in his parents basement. Enough said...
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Aunt Julie
This is mainly a vent session about a recent, very quick somewhat of a relationship I had with a guy.
Now when a girl thinks about the kind of man that she wants to be with and the traits that she finds attractive in a one, she makes a mental note of each and takes it with her through her trials of dating.
We as women are realistic with these traits and know that it is very few and far between that we will actually find a man who has all of them because we understand that no one is perfect. I mean of course we think we are, but we understand that they're not going to be.
I on the other hand, did find my perfect man. When I met him, or well started "talking" to him I was in shock. Couldn't believe it. Thought to myself, this is exactly what I want, he is exactly what I am looking for in a partner in life and had never laughed as much with anyone as I did with him. He has a way with his words that just make you feel at ease with any situation you're faced with. We had an instant connection and our chemistry was nothing like I have ever felt before. It had to be a match right? I mean it only made sense...to me anyway
He and I talked on the phone for roughly 2 weeks before actually meeting. The anticipation was so built up to be perfect that there was no way that it could be anything less. We got along great, had the same views on most things, had the same goals, wanted the same things in a spouse...I'd never had that with anyone. I had never felt so comfortable with someone in my life so quickly so I was somewhat scared because of what it could become to and also excited at the same time.
Being that we both had such high expectations of each other and how it will go we almost set ourselves up for failure. He drove down to meet me late on Wednesday with plans to stay until Saturday morning. Wednesday night was perfect...Beyond perfect to say the least. The chemistry was intense and the feeling I had was even better. We went to sleep soon after he arrived and when we woke up I felt like things were off. No snuggling, no kissing, no good morning, just rolled out of bed and brushed his teeth. I didn't say anything but made a mental note. I had a girlfriend staying with me at the same time so it made things a little easier for me because having her there kind of made me not think too much about the morning.
The day was spent at the mall, he shopped, she shopped, had a great lunch, saw a movie then got dessert. It was a lot of fun and went so smoothly that I forgot about how the morning was a little off. Once we got home, things just got better. We goofed off with a lil fashion show of the things he had purchased that day then decided to go to bed soon after. Things were fine still , a few things happened while in bed that again made morning's awkwardness seem like it was just me being a girl. Until we woke up the following morning,
Now I could cut the tension I felt. If you're into someone, why just get up and not do a lil morning "snug" session...I mean that's the best in my mind. Once I noticed it again I took into account the morning before and then got really nervous. I noticed his mood had changed, he was not affectionate in the slightest and sat on the opposite side of the couch. I don't get upset about things very often and usually just brush them off but this was killing me. I was crazy about this guy and it was obvious he wasn't feeling the same.
I wanted to just ask him straight up and see if he would just tell me he was over it, or that I was ugly or that he just didn't feel the same as he did the first night, but really just wanted HIM to bring it up. I hate having to ask or always fish it out to have a guy finally just say it. I knew I would be crushed because I knew what he was going to tell me if I did ask but I still wanted him to tell me. I kept having to walk out of the room every so often because my eyes would kinda water and I did not want him to see. We were still able to laugh and talk but he wouldn't look at me and it killed me.
As the day went on we decided to go to the baseball game. I felt terrible because I wanted to buy the tickets for us because he had done so much already but I ran into a speed bump and couldn't swing it. We ended up going and had a good time. He didn't talk much except a few comments about the game but I still tried to make the best of it when inside I was torn up.
I hated it though because I'm usually a very outgoing person, can talk to anyone and make any situation fun even if I'm upset about it. But this time I couldn't. I was "off" the whole time he was here because I noticed his demeanor had changed and I didn't know what to do or how to fix it. We had a good time once we got home, laughed a little then decided to go to bed. Then he laid it on me...
"I think I'm going to sleep on the couch"...that's when I knew he was over it. He said it was because he wanted to get a good nights sleep before he left in the morning but I didn't buy it but rolled with it. I got a little choked up when I went in my room but kept it to myself and quickly sucked it up. I became a little irritated because he wouldn't just tell me what was up because at this point, it was going to crush me either way.
The morning came, I heard him walking around and I woke up. Laid in bed a little and looked at the ceiling thinking of what I was going to say if anything and how to react to it all. He came in smiling, looking obnoxiously adorable that I then became pissed again. How can he be so cute and so sweet and have those freaking dimples...Why isn't he into me? What did I do? Is he not attracted to me? What is it about me that makes him not want to barely look at me? All of this is running through my head at this point and eating away at me...
We hugged and then he walked out the door and that was it...He never brought it up, never said anything about how he was feeling, what he was thinking and why, he just left. Said he would call when he made it home but even then I doubted he would bring it up or let alone even call.
I went back to bed, laid there with my dog for a few, got choked up a little (again) and then decided to text him. I didn't want to call because I didn't want him to hear me upset at this point. I just basically said that it was obvious that he wasn't feeling it like he was when he first got here. He said yes, that it wasn't the same chemistry that we had on the phone, he felt terrible bc he had gotten his hopes up the same as I did. I was crushed, I knew things were off but I wasn't sure if it was because I was so nervous and wasn't myself and was beating myself up over it. I asked him if it was anything I had done, or if it was physical or what? He kinda beat around the bush about it for a min then laid it on me...
"You reminded me of my aunt and it just freaked me out. Sorry there is nothing you did or could do. It only got worse once I saw it?" ....WHAT??? I was speechless. Now I've heard everything and anything you can imagine as to why someone is not into me but that one has seriously taken the top spot. I didn't know whether to believe him because it was a little bit of a lame excuse but I guess if it was the truth and when he did realize it he couldn't look at me the same way. I was CRUSHED...I can't even explain it. The fact that I had and have no control over it and can't do anything to fit it is killing me and was killing me the whole day.
I have no been able to shake it since. I was crazy about this guy and kind of still am. Besides the reason I was given and how random it was, the fact that there is NOTHING I can do about it and theres not a chance to have a 2nd chance to maybe show him the real me, not the nervous unsure of what was going on me.
I haven't spoken to him since and don't foresee him calling me anytime soon. I'd like to talk to him about it but I know that once a man is done, hes done...
Now when a girl thinks about the kind of man that she wants to be with and the traits that she finds attractive in a one, she makes a mental note of each and takes it with her through her trials of dating.
We as women are realistic with these traits and know that it is very few and far between that we will actually find a man who has all of them because we understand that no one is perfect. I mean of course we think we are, but we understand that they're not going to be.
I on the other hand, did find my perfect man. When I met him, or well started "talking" to him I was in shock. Couldn't believe it. Thought to myself, this is exactly what I want, he is exactly what I am looking for in a partner in life and had never laughed as much with anyone as I did with him. He has a way with his words that just make you feel at ease with any situation you're faced with. We had an instant connection and our chemistry was nothing like I have ever felt before. It had to be a match right? I mean it only made sense...to me anyway
He and I talked on the phone for roughly 2 weeks before actually meeting. The anticipation was so built up to be perfect that there was no way that it could be anything less. We got along great, had the same views on most things, had the same goals, wanted the same things in a spouse...I'd never had that with anyone. I had never felt so comfortable with someone in my life so quickly so I was somewhat scared because of what it could become to and also excited at the same time.
Being that we both had such high expectations of each other and how it will go we almost set ourselves up for failure. He drove down to meet me late on Wednesday with plans to stay until Saturday morning. Wednesday night was perfect...Beyond perfect to say the least. The chemistry was intense and the feeling I had was even better. We went to sleep soon after he arrived and when we woke up I felt like things were off. No snuggling, no kissing, no good morning, just rolled out of bed and brushed his teeth. I didn't say anything but made a mental note. I had a girlfriend staying with me at the same time so it made things a little easier for me because having her there kind of made me not think too much about the morning.
The day was spent at the mall, he shopped, she shopped, had a great lunch, saw a movie then got dessert. It was a lot of fun and went so smoothly that I forgot about how the morning was a little off. Once we got home, things just got better. We goofed off with a lil fashion show of the things he had purchased that day then decided to go to bed soon after. Things were fine still , a few things happened while in bed that again made morning's awkwardness seem like it was just me being a girl. Until we woke up the following morning,
Now I could cut the tension I felt. If you're into someone, why just get up and not do a lil morning "snug" session...I mean that's the best in my mind. Once I noticed it again I took into account the morning before and then got really nervous. I noticed his mood had changed, he was not affectionate in the slightest and sat on the opposite side of the couch. I don't get upset about things very often and usually just brush them off but this was killing me. I was crazy about this guy and it was obvious he wasn't feeling the same.
I wanted to just ask him straight up and see if he would just tell me he was over it, or that I was ugly or that he just didn't feel the same as he did the first night, but really just wanted HIM to bring it up. I hate having to ask or always fish it out to have a guy finally just say it. I knew I would be crushed because I knew what he was going to tell me if I did ask but I still wanted him to tell me. I kept having to walk out of the room every so often because my eyes would kinda water and I did not want him to see. We were still able to laugh and talk but he wouldn't look at me and it killed me.
As the day went on we decided to go to the baseball game. I felt terrible because I wanted to buy the tickets for us because he had done so much already but I ran into a speed bump and couldn't swing it. We ended up going and had a good time. He didn't talk much except a few comments about the game but I still tried to make the best of it when inside I was torn up.
I hated it though because I'm usually a very outgoing person, can talk to anyone and make any situation fun even if I'm upset about it. But this time I couldn't. I was "off" the whole time he was here because I noticed his demeanor had changed and I didn't know what to do or how to fix it. We had a good time once we got home, laughed a little then decided to go to bed. Then he laid it on me...
"I think I'm going to sleep on the couch"...that's when I knew he was over it. He said it was because he wanted to get a good nights sleep before he left in the morning but I didn't buy it but rolled with it. I got a little choked up when I went in my room but kept it to myself and quickly sucked it up. I became a little irritated because he wouldn't just tell me what was up because at this point, it was going to crush me either way.
The morning came, I heard him walking around and I woke up. Laid in bed a little and looked at the ceiling thinking of what I was going to say if anything and how to react to it all. He came in smiling, looking obnoxiously adorable that I then became pissed again. How can he be so cute and so sweet and have those freaking dimples...Why isn't he into me? What did I do? Is he not attracted to me? What is it about me that makes him not want to barely look at me? All of this is running through my head at this point and eating away at me...
We hugged and then he walked out the door and that was it...He never brought it up, never said anything about how he was feeling, what he was thinking and why, he just left. Said he would call when he made it home but even then I doubted he would bring it up or let alone even call.
I went back to bed, laid there with my dog for a few, got choked up a little (again) and then decided to text him. I didn't want to call because I didn't want him to hear me upset at this point. I just basically said that it was obvious that he wasn't feeling it like he was when he first got here. He said yes, that it wasn't the same chemistry that we had on the phone, he felt terrible bc he had gotten his hopes up the same as I did. I was crushed, I knew things were off but I wasn't sure if it was because I was so nervous and wasn't myself and was beating myself up over it. I asked him if it was anything I had done, or if it was physical or what? He kinda beat around the bush about it for a min then laid it on me...
"You reminded me of my aunt and it just freaked me out. Sorry there is nothing you did or could do. It only got worse once I saw it?" ....WHAT??? I was speechless. Now I've heard everything and anything you can imagine as to why someone is not into me but that one has seriously taken the top spot. I didn't know whether to believe him because it was a little bit of a lame excuse but I guess if it was the truth and when he did realize it he couldn't look at me the same way. I was CRUSHED...I can't even explain it. The fact that I had and have no control over it and can't do anything to fit it is killing me and was killing me the whole day.
I have no been able to shake it since. I was crazy about this guy and kind of still am. Besides the reason I was given and how random it was, the fact that there is NOTHING I can do about it and theres not a chance to have a 2nd chance to maybe show him the real me, not the nervous unsure of what was going on me.
I haven't spoken to him since and don't foresee him calling me anytime soon. I'd like to talk to him about it but I know that once a man is done, hes done...
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