I don't think I have ever been so happy that I am single in my life. The thought of dating someone right now and actually having it work out seems so far fetched that I can't even begin to comprehend how I would go about making it happen.. If I hear "you're such an amazing woman, you're beautiful, you're smart, funny, the most caring person I know" one more time I may wrip my hair out. All of these things I am fully aware of and am a capable of knowing without having a man tell me who obviously doesn't really mean it. If he meant it then whats the problem?? Clearly there are other deep issues set aside that he doesn't want to come forth with because he's affraid of hurting my feelings...and honestly thats fine with me.
If I got money for every man I dated that didn't come back and say "I miss you" or "I messed up" I'd be a rich woman right now. Why does it take me telling a man that Im over him a few weeks after he's ended our "relationship" for him to relize what he had? Green eggs and ham has called and texted every few weeks with something random and meaningless just to start up a conversation. If I respond by answering the nonsense question he asks he then turns that into him telling me that he's finally got his life in order and is trying to figure out his feelings. Well my dear...Im sorry it has taken you 6 months to figure out how fantastic I am and that you screwed up by leaving but you're a little later because I don't care. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have told him I am over him in any romantic way and he still doesn't give up!!
Ever sense I've become thrilled with being single and over dating anyone, I've been meeting so many great guys and having random fun trips planned out of the blue. Its all fun while it lasts but its so hard for me to not look at them and think they're going to be like the last one that came around. I know that you can't take past relationships and feelings from past experiences into new ones because then you're bound to set yourself up for failure. I just am not having any expectations for any man that is coming into my life in the new future because I'm just over dealing with them. I don't need to be showered with gifts, paraded around town, spend every waking second with someone to feel special...all I want is for someone is to be nice to me, show me respect and actually appreciate that fact that you have me. The only man who has ever made me feel like that is my father...that shit better change quickly or I am out.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Serendipity: (ser⋅en⋅dip⋅i⋅ty) –noun 1. an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.
Clearly anyone who knows me knows that I hate flying. I get sick, I get nervous, I get grossed out at all of the possibly germs that are swarming around me while I sit in the uncomfortable chair hoping the flight is over quickly and praying we land safely. As a result of my getting sick while flying I have to resort to taking large amounts of Bonine the day before as well as the day of my flight so I am 150% positive it is in my system and ready to take charge.
I have been doing a lot of traveling for work the past year and am all over the place every few months. I have grown to, I wouldn't say "enjoy" flying but lets just say flying and I have come to terms and are establishing a decent relationship. A few months ago, (August) I was sent out to cow town West Texas for a 4 day trip to work with Dockers. The beginning of the trip had started off a little bumpy because I missed my flight to leave so I was on standby all day, but I made it. I made myself take a deep breath once I arrived and decided I was not going to ruin my trip. I had never been to the two places I was sent to but had an absolute BLAST (thanks to a local cowboy and a "spa" trip). I went to canyons, the Caddy Ranch, ate incredible Mexican food, saw where wind was farmed, had Dyers BBQ...ooohhh Dyers how I will miss you...all after work obviously :)
At the time I was sort of getting out of a very quick, somewhat of a relationship if you would say with a guy who had just moved to DC..so I had work book my flight to go straight there to spend the weekend visiting him for his birthday. We cut ties right before my trip so I was still on the fence on whether or not I should even go. The week was ending and my time to part ways from good ol' Texas was arriving so I had to make my decision and act quickly. I had already booked my one day flight home from DC to Tampa for Sunday and all flights leaving from Amarillo to Tampa were $350...what to do, what to do??? I hadn't heard much from this guy all week so I was pretty much over the decision to go to DC and see him. I booked my flight home to Tampa and that was that.
The day I was supposed to leave was Thursday and it was a jam packed day. I worked all day then drove to the Palo Duro Canyon, spray painted a few more cute things at the Caddy Ranch then made my way to the airport. Now, at this point I was pretty exhausted and not looking my best. The canyon and the CRanch were pretty dusty and I was in a white dress...so use your imagination please. It wasn't cute. Anyway, so I make my flight and head from Amarillo to Dallas. My flight was scheduled to land in Dallas around 8:00 and my connecting flight leaving Dallas was scheduled for 9:00. Plenty of time to get from one gate to the other. As we're flying the pilot announces that there is bad weather over Dallas so we will either have to land at another airport and wait out the storm or we'll have to circle the airport and try to land on the opposite side where it was clearing up. 8:45 rolls around and it has become clear to everyone on the plane that we were going to miss our connecting flight. Not sure what was going to happen once we landed I just sat back and chuckled a little because like my family always says "if it’s going to happen to anyone, it’s going to happen to me".
We finally land and everyone in the airport is running around like maniacs because every connecting flight had already left and everyone missed them. I get to the desk and the woman says to me that the next flight out isn't until 8:30 the following morning. Of course it wasn't....I had no clothes to change into, nothing to wash my face with, no makeup....nothing but a laptop and thank GOD my cell phone charger. I had never been stranded at an airport overnight before and for some reason I had it in my head that we weren't allowed to leave. Im stressing at this point and I ask the woman at the counter "what am I suppose to do??". She replies with, "get a hotel?". Clearly this is normal this to do but I did not realize this. I get my hotel booked and the shuttle comes 40 mins later to pick me up. We (about 10 other passengers in the same predicament I am in) arrive at the hotel that is 10 miles away from the airport and the shuttle drive tells us that he will be back at 6:00am to pick up back up. Lovely...
I get about 3 hours of sleep because I’m paranoid that I'm going to miss my alarm, miss the shuttle and subsequently miss my flight (again). I wake up, get on the shuttle, and arrive at the airport. All I can think about is a cup of coffee... that could possibly have the chance of being spiked with tequila that then might also have the chance of actually tasting good. Knowing my odds were slim to none I buy the largest cup of Dunkins I am able to find and sit at my gate and patiently wait to board my flight.
As I am sitting at the gate I happen to look up every so often and see this delicious hunk of pilot goodness that keeps walking back and forth in front of me. Oblivious to my surroundings and unaware of the possibility that he could see me gocking at him, I just shameless stare. Up to this point, I had in my head that every time I saw a good-looking pilot, it had to be Jake...right?? (ladies you have to know who Jake is). But he was way better in my eyes. Salt and pepper bunch of yumminess this one was. Knowing I look of death and thank the Lords above that I happened to travel with mascara for this trip, I try and make myself blend in so he doesn't see me.
A few more minutes go by and they start calling for my flight to board. So relieved I can finally sit back and relax, I gather my things and head over to stand to hear my group called. As I get closer I notice my silver fox is standing at my gate as well. They call my group so I head over...hes in front of me. Im standing behind him, just kinda half asleep, shamelessly checking him out and reading his little name tag that was on his bag. "Cute first name" I thought, couldn't really pronounce his last name but hey, it flowed. Anyway, as were walking to our seats down the aisle I notice all of the women in the back of the place checking him out. Of course Im thinking..."yeah bitches he's with me", but clearly that wasn't the case. The whole time we're walking all I was saying was "please be in row 23, please be in row 23, please make this trip really worth it"...and then what happens? He stops at row 22 and starts to load his bags in the storage bin up top. As he's doing this, his glasses fall off of his shirt, so obviously I pick them up, one because thats the nice thing to do and two...ice breaker!
I then sit down on the aisle seat in row 23 thinking that was my seat. Then he tells me its his...my first reaction is "thank GOD I got the window" then it was "omg is this really happening??" We sit down and neither one of us is hoping the middle seat is filled. He probably didn't want it to be filled because he's not a short man and it would probably be a little cramped as where me on the other hand, I just wanted to look at him. The flight is about to get going and I grab my gum from my purse then offer him some. He takes a piece then offers me his shoe and cell phone...not sure why but it was cute. Then we start yapping...and yapping and really don't stop for more than maybe 2 minutes or so at a time. We talked about our jobs, relationships, our HORRIBLE luck with relationships, how much we love dogs, traveling, our families...you name it we probably talked about it. He was telling me about the airline he works for and how its based in Clearwater and that he would be down here for two weeks for a training sometime...didn't remember when but definitely took note to that. This was probably the first and only flight I did not want to end.
As we landed I did my "deep breathes" and braced myself to hopefully not crash and he was super nice and calmed me down a little. Once we got off the plane we started walking and talking about what our plans were for the weekend and then he said he was going to run to the restroom but that he would meet me in baggage claim. No big deal, I was heading that way and would see him there. As I got to the other side of the airport I got a text saying my friend was picking me up inside instead waiting in his car. Very gentlemanly thing to do but at that moment all I could think of was "omg I can't go to baggage claim with another guy!!" Then I realize my bags arrived the night before with the original flight so I couldn't even go to baggage claim!" Ugh just when I thought the trip was ending great...something had to bring it down. I get my bags, my friend drops me off and I then pass out from being up for over 24 hours almost.
The next day I wake up and all I can freaking think about is this dreamy pilot I had an amazing encounter with but had NO clue what his last name was so there was no way to get in touch with him. Not knowing why or if I should even worry about him every again, I couldn't get him off of my mind. He may not have even noticed that I wasn't at baggage claim but the thought that he did, I just felt terrible. I got on my computer that night and was telling my girlfriend Patti all about it and how it sounds crazy but I had to find this guy. I searched and searched but nothing was coming up...probably because I had no clue what to search for...but I was trying.
A few days go by and I have dinner and drinks with my girlfriend and then she asks if I want to come hang out with her and her pilot friend. "Pilot?? What airline does he fly for??" She tells me, and I say "well that’s the wrong one, he needs to fly for ___" Then she goes on to tell me that he used to and that they know a higher up for the company. Not knowing why I asked this, I then go on to explain why..Once she realizes the significance of the airline she braces me because I almost fall of my chair with disbelief that I could actually get in contact with this guy! Patiently waiting for her friend's arrival, he finally comes and maybe let him get 3 words in before I said "You have to find someone for me". He is a little taken back so I tell him the story, shorter version of course and he goes "well didn't you think to get his contact info or anything since you guys had this amazing heart to heart?" I tell him I couldn't go to baggage claim and that totally threw it off! Once he realizes I am a pain in the ass and will not let him forget to help me or say he won't help me, he shrugs his shoulders and says he will make a phone call and try and find out what he can. I told him all I want is a last name because I know a first.
Weeks go by again and nothing. He still hadn't heard from this contact that he knew and I was starting to get bummed and was coming to terms with the fact that I may never speak to this man again. Then my birthday comes around. My girlfriend and I are out having a drink and he comes, before he sits down I told him that he wasn't allowed to be there unless he had a name for me...so he tries another option that he didn't previously think of. 20 mins go by and he grabs his phone and smiles. Asks me how I much I love him and then shows me the screen and I see it. Couldn't believe it...there it was! Still can't pronounce it but I knew it was the one! He then tells me to email him at his first initial, last name @_____.com so I do. I waste NO time and on my birthday, at the bar I pull out my phone and nervously type a message to a man I had a chance encounter with on a plane and pray he doesn't think I am crazy...
Days go by and I don't head anything. Obviously he thinks I'm crazy and is totally freaked out by this all... then it happens. I check my email one day and there is was...HE WROTE BACK!!! I couldn't believe it! He was shocked, surprised but happy to hear from me. He referenced a few things from our conversation on the plane and kept it short and sweet. In the email I sent for the first time I asked him if he had done his training down here yet and when he replied he said he had just left the previous week after being down here for TWO FULL WEEKS! Just my luck right? 4 days after he leaves I find him...
We messaged each other for a few weeks via email then one day while in Orlando with my girlfriend I wake up to a text message from him. ( I had given him my number in an email previously)...I was BEAMING and just so excited. I still hadn't wrapped my brain around the fact that I was actually communicating with this guy! What are the odds of this happening??
A few more weeks go by and I get a text saying he might be coming into town because their plane was having problems. I was leaving that week for a trip to Miami for work but I would be gone less than 24 hrs so the odds of him coming within that time frame are slim to none...right? I land in Miami to turn on my phone and find a text saying "Im in St. Pete". My stomach was in my throat and I wanted to cry. (not literally but couldn't believe it) As my flight was taking off from Tampa, his was landing (no joke) "TWICE???? Twice I missed him and when was 20 mins away from my house??" I thought... I was scheduled to come back at 4:3opm the following day and just knew he would be gone by then. I had my girlfriends saying they would go mess the plane up so he was stranded longer...but clearly that wasn't going to happen. I just was sick about it. I couldn't believe it was happening but there was nothing I could do so I had to get over it. "Was I ever going to get the chance to see him again?? All I want is to have a cup of coffee with the guy and let me see me not looking like a semi had just plowed over me!" I woke up to a text at around 8:30 am saying he had already left town...
He has almost come back to town one other time since then, but it was a false alarm. He and I are still in contact with each other but who knows when he'll make it here again.. I have no crazy expectations about any of this but all I want is to just see the man again and have another great conversation over a good cup of Joe... (made at my house of course :)
I have been doing a lot of traveling for work the past year and am all over the place every few months. I have grown to, I wouldn't say "enjoy" flying but lets just say flying and I have come to terms and are establishing a decent relationship. A few months ago, (August) I was sent out to cow town West Texas for a 4 day trip to work with Dockers. The beginning of the trip had started off a little bumpy because I missed my flight to leave so I was on standby all day, but I made it. I made myself take a deep breath once I arrived and decided I was not going to ruin my trip. I had never been to the two places I was sent to but had an absolute BLAST (thanks to a local cowboy and a "spa" trip). I went to canyons, the Caddy Ranch, ate incredible Mexican food, saw where wind was farmed, had Dyers BBQ...ooohhh Dyers how I will miss you...all after work obviously :)
At the time I was sort of getting out of a very quick, somewhat of a relationship if you would say with a guy who had just moved to DC..so I had work book my flight to go straight there to spend the weekend visiting him for his birthday. We cut ties right before my trip so I was still on the fence on whether or not I should even go. The week was ending and my time to part ways from good ol' Texas was arriving so I had to make my decision and act quickly. I had already booked my one day flight home from DC to Tampa for Sunday and all flights leaving from Amarillo to Tampa were $350...what to do, what to do??? I hadn't heard much from this guy all week so I was pretty much over the decision to go to DC and see him. I booked my flight home to Tampa and that was that.
The day I was supposed to leave was Thursday and it was a jam packed day. I worked all day then drove to the Palo Duro Canyon, spray painted a few more cute things at the Caddy Ranch then made my way to the airport. Now, at this point I was pretty exhausted and not looking my best. The canyon and the CRanch were pretty dusty and I was in a white dress...so use your imagination please. It wasn't cute. Anyway, so I make my flight and head from Amarillo to Dallas. My flight was scheduled to land in Dallas around 8:00 and my connecting flight leaving Dallas was scheduled for 9:00. Plenty of time to get from one gate to the other. As we're flying the pilot announces that there is bad weather over Dallas so we will either have to land at another airport and wait out the storm or we'll have to circle the airport and try to land on the opposite side where it was clearing up. 8:45 rolls around and it has become clear to everyone on the plane that we were going to miss our connecting flight. Not sure what was going to happen once we landed I just sat back and chuckled a little because like my family always says "if it’s going to happen to anyone, it’s going to happen to me".
We finally land and everyone in the airport is running around like maniacs because every connecting flight had already left and everyone missed them. I get to the desk and the woman says to me that the next flight out isn't until 8:30 the following morning. Of course it wasn't....I had no clothes to change into, nothing to wash my face with, no makeup....nothing but a laptop and thank GOD my cell phone charger. I had never been stranded at an airport overnight before and for some reason I had it in my head that we weren't allowed to leave. Im stressing at this point and I ask the woman at the counter "what am I suppose to do??". She replies with, "get a hotel?". Clearly this is normal this to do but I did not realize this. I get my hotel booked and the shuttle comes 40 mins later to pick me up. We (about 10 other passengers in the same predicament I am in) arrive at the hotel that is 10 miles away from the airport and the shuttle drive tells us that he will be back at 6:00am to pick up back up. Lovely...
I get about 3 hours of sleep because I’m paranoid that I'm going to miss my alarm, miss the shuttle and subsequently miss my flight (again). I wake up, get on the shuttle, and arrive at the airport. All I can think about is a cup of coffee... that could possibly have the chance of being spiked with tequila that then might also have the chance of actually tasting good. Knowing my odds were slim to none I buy the largest cup of Dunkins I am able to find and sit at my gate and patiently wait to board my flight.
As I am sitting at the gate I happen to look up every so often and see this delicious hunk of pilot goodness that keeps walking back and forth in front of me. Oblivious to my surroundings and unaware of the possibility that he could see me gocking at him, I just shameless stare. Up to this point, I had in my head that every time I saw a good-looking pilot, it had to be Jake...right?? (ladies you have to know who Jake is). But he was way better in my eyes. Salt and pepper bunch of yumminess this one was. Knowing I look of death and thank the Lords above that I happened to travel with mascara for this trip, I try and make myself blend in so he doesn't see me.
A few more minutes go by and they start calling for my flight to board. So relieved I can finally sit back and relax, I gather my things and head over to stand to hear my group called. As I get closer I notice my silver fox is standing at my gate as well. They call my group so I head over...hes in front of me. Im standing behind him, just kinda half asleep, shamelessly checking him out and reading his little name tag that was on his bag. "Cute first name" I thought, couldn't really pronounce his last name but hey, it flowed. Anyway, as were walking to our seats down the aisle I notice all of the women in the back of the place checking him out. Of course Im thinking..."yeah bitches he's with me", but clearly that wasn't the case. The whole time we're walking all I was saying was "please be in row 23, please be in row 23, please make this trip really worth it"...and then what happens? He stops at row 22 and starts to load his bags in the storage bin up top. As he's doing this, his glasses fall off of his shirt, so obviously I pick them up, one because thats the nice thing to do and two...ice breaker!
I then sit down on the aisle seat in row 23 thinking that was my seat. Then he tells me its his...my first reaction is "thank GOD I got the window" then it was "omg is this really happening??" We sit down and neither one of us is hoping the middle seat is filled. He probably didn't want it to be filled because he's not a short man and it would probably be a little cramped as where me on the other hand, I just wanted to look at him. The flight is about to get going and I grab my gum from my purse then offer him some. He takes a piece then offers me his shoe and cell phone...not sure why but it was cute. Then we start yapping...and yapping and really don't stop for more than maybe 2 minutes or so at a time. We talked about our jobs, relationships, our HORRIBLE luck with relationships, how much we love dogs, traveling, our families...you name it we probably talked about it. He was telling me about the airline he works for and how its based in Clearwater and that he would be down here for two weeks for a training sometime...didn't remember when but definitely took note to that. This was probably the first and only flight I did not want to end.
As we landed I did my "deep breathes" and braced myself to hopefully not crash and he was super nice and calmed me down a little. Once we got off the plane we started walking and talking about what our plans were for the weekend and then he said he was going to run to the restroom but that he would meet me in baggage claim. No big deal, I was heading that way and would see him there. As I got to the other side of the airport I got a text saying my friend was picking me up inside instead waiting in his car. Very gentlemanly thing to do but at that moment all I could think of was "omg I can't go to baggage claim with another guy!!" Then I realize my bags arrived the night before with the original flight so I couldn't even go to baggage claim!" Ugh just when I thought the trip was ending great...something had to bring it down. I get my bags, my friend drops me off and I then pass out from being up for over 24 hours almost.
The next day I wake up and all I can freaking think about is this dreamy pilot I had an amazing encounter with but had NO clue what his last name was so there was no way to get in touch with him. Not knowing why or if I should even worry about him every again, I couldn't get him off of my mind. He may not have even noticed that I wasn't at baggage claim but the thought that he did, I just felt terrible. I got on my computer that night and was telling my girlfriend Patti all about it and how it sounds crazy but I had to find this guy. I searched and searched but nothing was coming up...probably because I had no clue what to search for...but I was trying.
A few days go by and I have dinner and drinks with my girlfriend and then she asks if I want to come hang out with her and her pilot friend. "Pilot?? What airline does he fly for??" She tells me, and I say "well that’s the wrong one, he needs to fly for ___" Then she goes on to tell me that he used to and that they know a higher up for the company. Not knowing why I asked this, I then go on to explain why..Once she realizes the significance of the airline she braces me because I almost fall of my chair with disbelief that I could actually get in contact with this guy! Patiently waiting for her friend's arrival, he finally comes and maybe let him get 3 words in before I said "You have to find someone for me". He is a little taken back so I tell him the story, shorter version of course and he goes "well didn't you think to get his contact info or anything since you guys had this amazing heart to heart?" I tell him I couldn't go to baggage claim and that totally threw it off! Once he realizes I am a pain in the ass and will not let him forget to help me or say he won't help me, he shrugs his shoulders and says he will make a phone call and try and find out what he can. I told him all I want is a last name because I know a first.
Weeks go by again and nothing. He still hadn't heard from this contact that he knew and I was starting to get bummed and was coming to terms with the fact that I may never speak to this man again. Then my birthday comes around. My girlfriend and I are out having a drink and he comes, before he sits down I told him that he wasn't allowed to be there unless he had a name for me...so he tries another option that he didn't previously think of. 20 mins go by and he grabs his phone and smiles. Asks me how I much I love him and then shows me the screen and I see it. Couldn't believe it...there it was! Still can't pronounce it but I knew it was the one! He then tells me to email him at his first initial, last name @_____.com so I do. I waste NO time and on my birthday, at the bar I pull out my phone and nervously type a message to a man I had a chance encounter with on a plane and pray he doesn't think I am crazy...
Days go by and I don't head anything. Obviously he thinks I'm crazy and is totally freaked out by this all... then it happens. I check my email one day and there is was...HE WROTE BACK!!! I couldn't believe it! He was shocked, surprised but happy to hear from me. He referenced a few things from our conversation on the plane and kept it short and sweet. In the email I sent for the first time I asked him if he had done his training down here yet and when he replied he said he had just left the previous week after being down here for TWO FULL WEEKS! Just my luck right? 4 days after he leaves I find him...
We messaged each other for a few weeks via email then one day while in Orlando with my girlfriend I wake up to a text message from him. ( I had given him my number in an email previously)...I was BEAMING and just so excited. I still hadn't wrapped my brain around the fact that I was actually communicating with this guy! What are the odds of this happening??
A few more weeks go by and I get a text saying he might be coming into town because their plane was having problems. I was leaving that week for a trip to Miami for work but I would be gone less than 24 hrs so the odds of him coming within that time frame are slim to none...right? I land in Miami to turn on my phone and find a text saying "Im in St. Pete". My stomach was in my throat and I wanted to cry. (not literally but couldn't believe it) As my flight was taking off from Tampa, his was landing (no joke) "TWICE???? Twice I missed him and when was 20 mins away from my house??" I thought... I was scheduled to come back at 4:3opm the following day and just knew he would be gone by then. I had my girlfriends saying they would go mess the plane up so he was stranded longer...but clearly that wasn't going to happen. I just was sick about it. I couldn't believe it was happening but there was nothing I could do so I had to get over it. "Was I ever going to get the chance to see him again?? All I want is to have a cup of coffee with the guy and let me see me not looking like a semi had just plowed over me!" I woke up to a text at around 8:30 am saying he had already left town...
He has almost come back to town one other time since then, but it was a false alarm. He and I are still in contact with each other but who knows when he'll make it here again.. I have no crazy expectations about any of this but all I want is to just see the man again and have another great conversation over a good cup of Joe... (made at my house of course :)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
"No girl wakes up in the morning saying I hope I dont get swept off my feet today"...
What is it about love that gets us women just stupid over? I mean...as much as we say we love being single and don't need a man in our lives to be happy, we are constantly fixated on cheesy love story chick flicks.
No matter how over a guy I am or how much fun I just had with my girlfriend on our "night out"...I still get a lil' bummed when I hear a male escort tell a beautiful redhead "I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met"...Name that movie. "Why can't a guy say that to me?" I think, as I sit on my couch with a bowl of Cookie N Cream BlueBell ice cream...The slightest inclination of a romantic gesture in a movie makes me melt...what the hell? Does this just mean I'm a hopeless romantic or just a fool??? I don't fall for those lines in real life so why let myself get all gushy over a movie?
Guys are not how they are in those movies and that alone screws with us! Men nowadays don't know how to chase a woman! They just move onto the next one that comes along because it's easier and less work. In the movies, they jump through hurdles, almost get hit by cars because they're running across traffic to catch a cab to the airport to stop the plane that the woman they can't live without just got on...whatever!
Why aren't there any movies out there that give us the chance to show a man's weaknesses? I'd love to see something like "He's Just Not That Into You"...but from a woman's perspective and our side of the story. I truly do find it interesting, the polar opposite ways men and women view certain situations in dating. A lot of times, as I've stated before that, just because we may seem that we're smitten for a guy...we're still a little iffy about him and he probably annoys us a little. Its mainly the "idea" of what could possibly come one day in the future that makes us smitten. As we're sort of into them and just honestly going day by day with the relationship, they're telling their buddies how much they've got us wrapped around their finger...
Its fascinating I tell ya!
No matter how over a guy I am or how much fun I just had with my girlfriend on our "night out"...I still get a lil' bummed when I hear a male escort tell a beautiful redhead "I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met"...Name that movie. "Why can't a guy say that to me?" I think, as I sit on my couch with a bowl of Cookie N Cream BlueBell ice cream...The slightest inclination of a romantic gesture in a movie makes me melt...what the hell? Does this just mean I'm a hopeless romantic or just a fool??? I don't fall for those lines in real life so why let myself get all gushy over a movie?
Guys are not how they are in those movies and that alone screws with us! Men nowadays don't know how to chase a woman! They just move onto the next one that comes along because it's easier and less work. In the movies, they jump through hurdles, almost get hit by cars because they're running across traffic to catch a cab to the airport to stop the plane that the woman they can't live without just got on...whatever!
Why aren't there any movies out there that give us the chance to show a man's weaknesses? I'd love to see something like "He's Just Not That Into You"...but from a woman's perspective and our side of the story. I truly do find it interesting, the polar opposite ways men and women view certain situations in dating. A lot of times, as I've stated before that, just because we may seem that we're smitten for a guy...we're still a little iffy about him and he probably annoys us a little. Its mainly the "idea" of what could possibly come one day in the future that makes us smitten. As we're sort of into them and just honestly going day by day with the relationship, they're telling their buddies how much they've got us wrapped around their finger...
Its fascinating I tell ya!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Green Eggs & Ham
Where do I begin with this one? The one thing that drives me most crazy about guys is when things are going well and you're both happy in a relationship whether it be the beginning, middle or end...they freak out. I mean seriously...just because we're having a great time doesn't mean I'm going home and adding to my wedding scrapbook (I don't really have one of those). I can't stand it! They automatically think that because we're girls that we are instantly falling in love with them, when yes we're smitten most of the time and talking to our girlfriends about you...a lot, but the majority of the time were prob bitching about something you do that drives us nuts.
This guy was a little like that. No matter how well things were going he always made a point to have to say "Well I'm still trying to figure things out". What a way to make someone feel good huh? I myself take awhile to figure things out when I'm dating someone but I don't bring it up all the time, I just roll with it.
We had a great relationship in the beginning. Soon after we met he got hired to do a job in a big city in the mid-west. I wasn't sure what was going to happen but I just was going to go day by day and see where it took us. The day before he was to leave, his parents were in town. I didn't think I was going to be able to see him then and had accepted it. But he called and wanted to get together so we did. Had a great time, I met his uncle...just a good night in general.
I had said to my girlfriend prior to this evening that I figured in a few months I would probably think about going up to visit him depending on where we were. Notice I said a few months...because I'm thinking ahead and not getting to excited too soon about the "right now". Well on the ride to dinner he says to me "I'm going to miss you! You have to come up and visit!" I was a little shocked he said that so soon but rolled with it.
Days go by and he leaves. Not two days go by that he doesn't say to me "I miss you. When are you coming up? Lets plan it". Again, I'm shocked because this is the guy who a week ago said "I'm still trying to figure things out". I just go with it and we start planning.
I go and visit the next month and we have fun. I'm planned to be there for 5 days. The day before I leave he asks me to stay longer and changes my flight to the following weekend to be on his flight for his trip back for the weekend.
As the week went on, the fact that we were in a small hotel room together for 10 days started taking its toll. I did not get any sleep while I was there because he snored like crazy. He never used to in FL but I don't know if it was the weather or something up there but man...it was rough on my sleep having to hear it. It got to the point where I made him sleep on the pull out couch in the hotel room because it made it easier to tune it out. Even then it was hard...
Months went by and his time up there was done and he moved back to FL full time. This was the first time we had ever been in the same city together seriously so I knew it was going to be an interesting ride for both of us. We went from seeing each other 4 days a month to almost everyday. I was loosing my mind. He's a nice guy but I need my space. He's the kind of guy that when I say something, he HAS to disagree. I don't believe that a couple should have the same views on everything but when its EVERYTHING, its a little too much to deal with. If I said the sky is blue, he would say it was grey...I couldn't deal.
A month or so went by and I had heard the "I'm still figuring this out" line a few more times but ignored it. I wanted to plan a fun lil' weekend for us to Cocoa because there was a night launch scheduled. He had never seen a shuttle launch and since the program was ending soon he would probably not be able to see one if we didn't go now. Plus, a night launch is the only and best way to watch it so we had to go! We were going to stay at a hotel the night before because traffic was going to be horrendous the day of then spend the day at the beach the following day then watch it from the beach. Being that he wanted to disagree he told me that we should just leave at 10 the next day and then come back that night. I just said fine because I knew he wasn't going to listen.
We leave to head over to the East Coast around 9 and around 10:30 he realizes hes hungry. Theres only one place Ive ever gone for breakfast back home and that's Kay's. So its the first place I thought of so I called my mom to see what time they stopped serving breakfast. We had plenty of time so I that's where we decided to go. Now, I had not planned on him meeting my family at this point. I wasn't ready for that so I just told my mom and she understood. Well, when I called her again to make sure we would make it in time she answered the phone laughing. Her, my father, step-mom and sister were at Kay's finishing up eating and were wanting to meet him. I was a little nervous because again, I wasn't planning it. He got quiet and just looked straight again. I apologized because I'm sure he got nervous about meeting everyone. I was nervous as well but thought, well it has been roughly 6 months that we've been dating so whats the big deal right?
Breakfast went smoothly, the we went to the beach soon after. He wanted to walk, I wanted to relax...that bothered him. Once again, something we disagreed on. The day went on and my dad called and asked if we wanted to watch the shuttle from the boat...possibly the best way to see it because you can get about a mile off of the launch pad so we said yes. While we were waiting for my dad at the boat ramp he expresses that he's bored. I couldn't believe it. Here I am trying to do something special for him, something that he wouldn't be able to experience again in this way and he tells me that hes bored.
Fuming from that I try and calm down as best I can because I'm just in shock of his lack of appreciation. We go see the launch, its beautiful, then we head back on the boat, in the dark...kinda scary but fun as well. While we were coming back we go under the bridge that takes you to the Space Center. It is bumper to bumper for about 7 miles...could be less could be more. At that moment I smile a little because I remember telling him how bad the traffic was going to be all day and he didn't believe me.
We start heading back shortly after and he expresses that he doesn't think the traffic will be that bad because it had been 2 hours since the launch had gone up. Of course, I don't know what I'm talking about right? I mean I only grew up there and over the years had seen about a million launches but... He had to disagree once again.
We get on the interstate and it looks like the traffic is surprisingly going very smoothly so... he kinda bows up a little because in his mind he's proved me wrong. Then...we go around the ramp and are actually on the interstate at this point and it is bumper to bumper as far as we can see. I then snuggle in my seat, pleased because like always I'm right (sort of kidding) and get ready for the long drive back. The first hour and 1/2 of the ride are in silence. I'm irritated, but not with the traffic but I'm running through my head that he had the nerve to tell me he was bored earlier.
I proceed to ask him what was wrong. He then starts to go on about how we just don't get along, he thinks its funny, then says "I just don't know how I feel" which is another way of saying "I'm still just trying to figure this out". I then loose it. I'm so tired of hearing his crap by this point that I can't take it anymore. He then brings up the fact that he didn't want to meet my family and knew I had planned it like that the whole time. I again loose it because I had said to him when I found out we were meeting them at dinner that I had known nothing about it, which was the truth. I quickly told him to get off of his pedestal and to get over himself as fast as he possibly could because I didn't WANT him to meet my parents. I had no planned that , they threw it on me when I called. He still didn't believe me. In my head now I'm thinking..."Who is this guy? What does he think is so special about him that I would sneak a meeting with my parents AFTER I told him I wasn't ready for that?!" But this goes back to him always having to disagree with everything I say or do...I'm fuming by this point.
We argue more and he then says the winner. "I just don't have the same feelings for you as I did for my ex girlfriend" WWHHHAAATTT??? The audacity I thought. Who says that? They dated YEARS prior and that was his first love. Who in their right mind would think that you're going to have the same feelings for someone else as you did for your first love. He didn't see that. I said to him that I was NOT his ex girlfriend (Shes trash), the kind of love for her he had is completely different than the kind he'll have for anyone else because 1. She was his first love so... duh, 2. You love people for different reasons, 3. Im NOT her so of course you're not going to have the same feelings. and 4. That was years ago..you're a different person now so I would think you would have a different mentality by now...but obviously not right?
I could go on for 6 more pages about the stupid things he said that night that made no sense but you get the gist. Once we got home from 4 hours of driving that normally takes 2, he was exhausted. I made him sleep on the couch and he left in the morning. I couldn't look at him the same after the things he said. Normally I get over things quickly but this I could not move past. He kept trying and trying but I wasn't having it. After awhile we tried to make it work. He soon found out that he was going to have to move sooner than he thought and was not going to have a place to stay. I let him stay with me for a few months and we soon started to drive each other nuts. He didn't care about finding a job, sat on the computer all day playing poker. When he wasn't playing poker online he was at the dog track playing. He had no ambition to do anything with him life and it drove me insane. I couldn't take it anymore. Everything he did drove me to drink. It wasn't anything too serious but because I was so irritated seeing him be lazy and hearing him laughing about being on unemployment I couldn't stand it any longer.
He soon decided that his best option was to move back home and live in his parents basement. Enough said...
This guy was a little like that. No matter how well things were going he always made a point to have to say "Well I'm still trying to figure things out". What a way to make someone feel good huh? I myself take awhile to figure things out when I'm dating someone but I don't bring it up all the time, I just roll with it.
We had a great relationship in the beginning. Soon after we met he got hired to do a job in a big city in the mid-west. I wasn't sure what was going to happen but I just was going to go day by day and see where it took us. The day before he was to leave, his parents were in town. I didn't think I was going to be able to see him then and had accepted it. But he called and wanted to get together so we did. Had a great time, I met his uncle...just a good night in general.
I had said to my girlfriend prior to this evening that I figured in a few months I would probably think about going up to visit him depending on where we were. Notice I said a few months...because I'm thinking ahead and not getting to excited too soon about the "right now". Well on the ride to dinner he says to me "I'm going to miss you! You have to come up and visit!" I was a little shocked he said that so soon but rolled with it.
Days go by and he leaves. Not two days go by that he doesn't say to me "I miss you. When are you coming up? Lets plan it". Again, I'm shocked because this is the guy who a week ago said "I'm still trying to figure things out". I just go with it and we start planning.
I go and visit the next month and we have fun. I'm planned to be there for 5 days. The day before I leave he asks me to stay longer and changes my flight to the following weekend to be on his flight for his trip back for the weekend.
As the week went on, the fact that we were in a small hotel room together for 10 days started taking its toll. I did not get any sleep while I was there because he snored like crazy. He never used to in FL but I don't know if it was the weather or something up there but man...it was rough on my sleep having to hear it. It got to the point where I made him sleep on the pull out couch in the hotel room because it made it easier to tune it out. Even then it was hard...
Months went by and his time up there was done and he moved back to FL full time. This was the first time we had ever been in the same city together seriously so I knew it was going to be an interesting ride for both of us. We went from seeing each other 4 days a month to almost everyday. I was loosing my mind. He's a nice guy but I need my space. He's the kind of guy that when I say something, he HAS to disagree. I don't believe that a couple should have the same views on everything but when its EVERYTHING, its a little too much to deal with. If I said the sky is blue, he would say it was grey...I couldn't deal.
A month or so went by and I had heard the "I'm still figuring this out" line a few more times but ignored it. I wanted to plan a fun lil' weekend for us to Cocoa because there was a night launch scheduled. He had never seen a shuttle launch and since the program was ending soon he would probably not be able to see one if we didn't go now. Plus, a night launch is the only and best way to watch it so we had to go! We were going to stay at a hotel the night before because traffic was going to be horrendous the day of then spend the day at the beach the following day then watch it from the beach. Being that he wanted to disagree he told me that we should just leave at 10 the next day and then come back that night. I just said fine because I knew he wasn't going to listen.
We leave to head over to the East Coast around 9 and around 10:30 he realizes hes hungry. Theres only one place Ive ever gone for breakfast back home and that's Kay's. So its the first place I thought of so I called my mom to see what time they stopped serving breakfast. We had plenty of time so I that's where we decided to go. Now, I had not planned on him meeting my family at this point. I wasn't ready for that so I just told my mom and she understood. Well, when I called her again to make sure we would make it in time she answered the phone laughing. Her, my father, step-mom and sister were at Kay's finishing up eating and were wanting to meet him. I was a little nervous because again, I wasn't planning it. He got quiet and just looked straight again. I apologized because I'm sure he got nervous about meeting everyone. I was nervous as well but thought, well it has been roughly 6 months that we've been dating so whats the big deal right?
Breakfast went smoothly, the we went to the beach soon after. He wanted to walk, I wanted to relax...that bothered him. Once again, something we disagreed on. The day went on and my dad called and asked if we wanted to watch the shuttle from the boat...possibly the best way to see it because you can get about a mile off of the launch pad so we said yes. While we were waiting for my dad at the boat ramp he expresses that he's bored. I couldn't believe it. Here I am trying to do something special for him, something that he wouldn't be able to experience again in this way and he tells me that hes bored.
Fuming from that I try and calm down as best I can because I'm just in shock of his lack of appreciation. We go see the launch, its beautiful, then we head back on the boat, in the dark...kinda scary but fun as well. While we were coming back we go under the bridge that takes you to the Space Center. It is bumper to bumper for about 7 miles...could be less could be more. At that moment I smile a little because I remember telling him how bad the traffic was going to be all day and he didn't believe me.
We start heading back shortly after and he expresses that he doesn't think the traffic will be that bad because it had been 2 hours since the launch had gone up. Of course, I don't know what I'm talking about right? I mean I only grew up there and over the years had seen about a million launches but... He had to disagree once again.
We get on the interstate and it looks like the traffic is surprisingly going very smoothly so... he kinda bows up a little because in his mind he's proved me wrong. Then...we go around the ramp and are actually on the interstate at this point and it is bumper to bumper as far as we can see. I then snuggle in my seat, pleased because like always I'm right (sort of kidding) and get ready for the long drive back. The first hour and 1/2 of the ride are in silence. I'm irritated, but not with the traffic but I'm running through my head that he had the nerve to tell me he was bored earlier.
I proceed to ask him what was wrong. He then starts to go on about how we just don't get along, he thinks its funny, then says "I just don't know how I feel" which is another way of saying "I'm still just trying to figure this out". I then loose it. I'm so tired of hearing his crap by this point that I can't take it anymore. He then brings up the fact that he didn't want to meet my family and knew I had planned it like that the whole time. I again loose it because I had said to him when I found out we were meeting them at dinner that I had known nothing about it, which was the truth. I quickly told him to get off of his pedestal and to get over himself as fast as he possibly could because I didn't WANT him to meet my parents. I had no planned that , they threw it on me when I called. He still didn't believe me. In my head now I'm thinking..."Who is this guy? What does he think is so special about him that I would sneak a meeting with my parents AFTER I told him I wasn't ready for that?!" But this goes back to him always having to disagree with everything I say or do...I'm fuming by this point.
We argue more and he then says the winner. "I just don't have the same feelings for you as I did for my ex girlfriend" WWHHHAAATTT??? The audacity I thought. Who says that? They dated YEARS prior and that was his first love. Who in their right mind would think that you're going to have the same feelings for someone else as you did for your first love. He didn't see that. I said to him that I was NOT his ex girlfriend (Shes trash), the kind of love for her he had is completely different than the kind he'll have for anyone else because 1. She was his first love so... duh, 2. You love people for different reasons, 3. Im NOT her so of course you're not going to have the same feelings. and 4. That was years ago..you're a different person now so I would think you would have a different mentality by now...but obviously not right?
I could go on for 6 more pages about the stupid things he said that night that made no sense but you get the gist. Once we got home from 4 hours of driving that normally takes 2, he was exhausted. I made him sleep on the couch and he left in the morning. I couldn't look at him the same after the things he said. Normally I get over things quickly but this I could not move past. He kept trying and trying but I wasn't having it. After awhile we tried to make it work. He soon found out that he was going to have to move sooner than he thought and was not going to have a place to stay. I let him stay with me for a few months and we soon started to drive each other nuts. He didn't care about finding a job, sat on the computer all day playing poker. When he wasn't playing poker online he was at the dog track playing. He had no ambition to do anything with him life and it drove me insane. I couldn't take it anymore. Everything he did drove me to drink. It wasn't anything too serious but because I was so irritated seeing him be lazy and hearing him laughing about being on unemployment I couldn't stand it any longer.
He soon decided that his best option was to move back home and live in his parents basement. Enough said...
Aunt Julie
This is mainly a vent session about a recent, very quick somewhat of a relationship I had with a guy.
Now when a girl thinks about the kind of man that she wants to be with and the traits that she finds attractive in a one, she makes a mental note of each and takes it with her through her trials of dating.
We as women are realistic with these traits and know that it is very few and far between that we will actually find a man who has all of them because we understand that no one is perfect. I mean of course we think we are, but we understand that they're not going to be.
I on the other hand, did find my perfect man. When I met him, or well started "talking" to him I was in shock. Couldn't believe it. Thought to myself, this is exactly what I want, he is exactly what I am looking for in a partner in life and had never laughed as much with anyone as I did with him. He has a way with his words that just make you feel at ease with any situation you're faced with. We had an instant connection and our chemistry was nothing like I have ever felt before. It had to be a match right? I mean it only made sense...to me anyway
He and I talked on the phone for roughly 2 weeks before actually meeting. The anticipation was so built up to be perfect that there was no way that it could be anything less. We got along great, had the same views on most things, had the same goals, wanted the same things in a spouse...I'd never had that with anyone. I had never felt so comfortable with someone in my life so quickly so I was somewhat scared because of what it could become to and also excited at the same time.
Being that we both had such high expectations of each other and how it will go we almost set ourselves up for failure. He drove down to meet me late on Wednesday with plans to stay until Saturday morning. Wednesday night was perfect...Beyond perfect to say the least. The chemistry was intense and the feeling I had was even better. We went to sleep soon after he arrived and when we woke up I felt like things were off. No snuggling, no kissing, no good morning, just rolled out of bed and brushed his teeth. I didn't say anything but made a mental note. I had a girlfriend staying with me at the same time so it made things a little easier for me because having her there kind of made me not think too much about the morning.
The day was spent at the mall, he shopped, she shopped, had a great lunch, saw a movie then got dessert. It was a lot of fun and went so smoothly that I forgot about how the morning was a little off. Once we got home, things just got better. We goofed off with a lil fashion show of the things he had purchased that day then decided to go to bed soon after. Things were fine still , a few things happened while in bed that again made morning's awkwardness seem like it was just me being a girl. Until we woke up the following morning,
Now I could cut the tension I felt. If you're into someone, why just get up and not do a lil morning "snug" session...I mean that's the best in my mind. Once I noticed it again I took into account the morning before and then got really nervous. I noticed his mood had changed, he was not affectionate in the slightest and sat on the opposite side of the couch. I don't get upset about things very often and usually just brush them off but this was killing me. I was crazy about this guy and it was obvious he wasn't feeling the same.
I wanted to just ask him straight up and see if he would just tell me he was over it, or that I was ugly or that he just didn't feel the same as he did the first night, but really just wanted HIM to bring it up. I hate having to ask or always fish it out to have a guy finally just say it. I knew I would be crushed because I knew what he was going to tell me if I did ask but I still wanted him to tell me. I kept having to walk out of the room every so often because my eyes would kinda water and I did not want him to see. We were still able to laugh and talk but he wouldn't look at me and it killed me.
As the day went on we decided to go to the baseball game. I felt terrible because I wanted to buy the tickets for us because he had done so much already but I ran into a speed bump and couldn't swing it. We ended up going and had a good time. He didn't talk much except a few comments about the game but I still tried to make the best of it when inside I was torn up.
I hated it though because I'm usually a very outgoing person, can talk to anyone and make any situation fun even if I'm upset about it. But this time I couldn't. I was "off" the whole time he was here because I noticed his demeanor had changed and I didn't know what to do or how to fix it. We had a good time once we got home, laughed a little then decided to go to bed. Then he laid it on me...
"I think I'm going to sleep on the couch"...that's when I knew he was over it. He said it was because he wanted to get a good nights sleep before he left in the morning but I didn't buy it but rolled with it. I got a little choked up when I went in my room but kept it to myself and quickly sucked it up. I became a little irritated because he wouldn't just tell me what was up because at this point, it was going to crush me either way.
The morning came, I heard him walking around and I woke up. Laid in bed a little and looked at the ceiling thinking of what I was going to say if anything and how to react to it all. He came in smiling, looking obnoxiously adorable that I then became pissed again. How can he be so cute and so sweet and have those freaking dimples...Why isn't he into me? What did I do? Is he not attracted to me? What is it about me that makes him not want to barely look at me? All of this is running through my head at this point and eating away at me...
We hugged and then he walked out the door and that was it...He never brought it up, never said anything about how he was feeling, what he was thinking and why, he just left. Said he would call when he made it home but even then I doubted he would bring it up or let alone even call.
I went back to bed, laid there with my dog for a few, got choked up a little (again) and then decided to text him. I didn't want to call because I didn't want him to hear me upset at this point. I just basically said that it was obvious that he wasn't feeling it like he was when he first got here. He said yes, that it wasn't the same chemistry that we had on the phone, he felt terrible bc he had gotten his hopes up the same as I did. I was crushed, I knew things were off but I wasn't sure if it was because I was so nervous and wasn't myself and was beating myself up over it. I asked him if it was anything I had done, or if it was physical or what? He kinda beat around the bush about it for a min then laid it on me...
"You reminded me of my aunt and it just freaked me out. Sorry there is nothing you did or could do. It only got worse once I saw it?" ....WHAT??? I was speechless. Now I've heard everything and anything you can imagine as to why someone is not into me but that one has seriously taken the top spot. I didn't know whether to believe him because it was a little bit of a lame excuse but I guess if it was the truth and when he did realize it he couldn't look at me the same way. I was CRUSHED...I can't even explain it. The fact that I had and have no control over it and can't do anything to fit it is killing me and was killing me the whole day.
I have no been able to shake it since. I was crazy about this guy and kind of still am. Besides the reason I was given and how random it was, the fact that there is NOTHING I can do about it and theres not a chance to have a 2nd chance to maybe show him the real me, not the nervous unsure of what was going on me.
I haven't spoken to him since and don't foresee him calling me anytime soon. I'd like to talk to him about it but I know that once a man is done, hes done...
Now when a girl thinks about the kind of man that she wants to be with and the traits that she finds attractive in a one, she makes a mental note of each and takes it with her through her trials of dating.
We as women are realistic with these traits and know that it is very few and far between that we will actually find a man who has all of them because we understand that no one is perfect. I mean of course we think we are, but we understand that they're not going to be.
I on the other hand, did find my perfect man. When I met him, or well started "talking" to him I was in shock. Couldn't believe it. Thought to myself, this is exactly what I want, he is exactly what I am looking for in a partner in life and had never laughed as much with anyone as I did with him. He has a way with his words that just make you feel at ease with any situation you're faced with. We had an instant connection and our chemistry was nothing like I have ever felt before. It had to be a match right? I mean it only made sense...to me anyway
He and I talked on the phone for roughly 2 weeks before actually meeting. The anticipation was so built up to be perfect that there was no way that it could be anything less. We got along great, had the same views on most things, had the same goals, wanted the same things in a spouse...I'd never had that with anyone. I had never felt so comfortable with someone in my life so quickly so I was somewhat scared because of what it could become to and also excited at the same time.
Being that we both had such high expectations of each other and how it will go we almost set ourselves up for failure. He drove down to meet me late on Wednesday with plans to stay until Saturday morning. Wednesday night was perfect...Beyond perfect to say the least. The chemistry was intense and the feeling I had was even better. We went to sleep soon after he arrived and when we woke up I felt like things were off. No snuggling, no kissing, no good morning, just rolled out of bed and brushed his teeth. I didn't say anything but made a mental note. I had a girlfriend staying with me at the same time so it made things a little easier for me because having her there kind of made me not think too much about the morning.
The day was spent at the mall, he shopped, she shopped, had a great lunch, saw a movie then got dessert. It was a lot of fun and went so smoothly that I forgot about how the morning was a little off. Once we got home, things just got better. We goofed off with a lil fashion show of the things he had purchased that day then decided to go to bed soon after. Things were fine still , a few things happened while in bed that again made morning's awkwardness seem like it was just me being a girl. Until we woke up the following morning,
Now I could cut the tension I felt. If you're into someone, why just get up and not do a lil morning "snug" session...I mean that's the best in my mind. Once I noticed it again I took into account the morning before and then got really nervous. I noticed his mood had changed, he was not affectionate in the slightest and sat on the opposite side of the couch. I don't get upset about things very often and usually just brush them off but this was killing me. I was crazy about this guy and it was obvious he wasn't feeling the same.
I wanted to just ask him straight up and see if he would just tell me he was over it, or that I was ugly or that he just didn't feel the same as he did the first night, but really just wanted HIM to bring it up. I hate having to ask or always fish it out to have a guy finally just say it. I knew I would be crushed because I knew what he was going to tell me if I did ask but I still wanted him to tell me. I kept having to walk out of the room every so often because my eyes would kinda water and I did not want him to see. We were still able to laugh and talk but he wouldn't look at me and it killed me.
As the day went on we decided to go to the baseball game. I felt terrible because I wanted to buy the tickets for us because he had done so much already but I ran into a speed bump and couldn't swing it. We ended up going and had a good time. He didn't talk much except a few comments about the game but I still tried to make the best of it when inside I was torn up.
I hated it though because I'm usually a very outgoing person, can talk to anyone and make any situation fun even if I'm upset about it. But this time I couldn't. I was "off" the whole time he was here because I noticed his demeanor had changed and I didn't know what to do or how to fix it. We had a good time once we got home, laughed a little then decided to go to bed. Then he laid it on me...
"I think I'm going to sleep on the couch"...that's when I knew he was over it. He said it was because he wanted to get a good nights sleep before he left in the morning but I didn't buy it but rolled with it. I got a little choked up when I went in my room but kept it to myself and quickly sucked it up. I became a little irritated because he wouldn't just tell me what was up because at this point, it was going to crush me either way.
The morning came, I heard him walking around and I woke up. Laid in bed a little and looked at the ceiling thinking of what I was going to say if anything and how to react to it all. He came in smiling, looking obnoxiously adorable that I then became pissed again. How can he be so cute and so sweet and have those freaking dimples...Why isn't he into me? What did I do? Is he not attracted to me? What is it about me that makes him not want to barely look at me? All of this is running through my head at this point and eating away at me...
We hugged and then he walked out the door and that was it...He never brought it up, never said anything about how he was feeling, what he was thinking and why, he just left. Said he would call when he made it home but even then I doubted he would bring it up or let alone even call.
I went back to bed, laid there with my dog for a few, got choked up a little (again) and then decided to text him. I didn't want to call because I didn't want him to hear me upset at this point. I just basically said that it was obvious that he wasn't feeling it like he was when he first got here. He said yes, that it wasn't the same chemistry that we had on the phone, he felt terrible bc he had gotten his hopes up the same as I did. I was crushed, I knew things were off but I wasn't sure if it was because I was so nervous and wasn't myself and was beating myself up over it. I asked him if it was anything I had done, or if it was physical or what? He kinda beat around the bush about it for a min then laid it on me...
"You reminded me of my aunt and it just freaked me out. Sorry there is nothing you did or could do. It only got worse once I saw it?" ....WHAT??? I was speechless. Now I've heard everything and anything you can imagine as to why someone is not into me but that one has seriously taken the top spot. I didn't know whether to believe him because it was a little bit of a lame excuse but I guess if it was the truth and when he did realize it he couldn't look at me the same way. I was CRUSHED...I can't even explain it. The fact that I had and have no control over it and can't do anything to fit it is killing me and was killing me the whole day.
I have no been able to shake it since. I was crazy about this guy and kind of still am. Besides the reason I was given and how random it was, the fact that there is NOTHING I can do about it and theres not a chance to have a 2nd chance to maybe show him the real me, not the nervous unsure of what was going on me.
I haven't spoken to him since and don't foresee him calling me anytime soon. I'd like to talk to him about it but I know that once a man is done, hes done...
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Relationships...these are not my words but I love what it says
I wish I could claim these words as my own but they aren't and I don't know who's they are but I still would like to share it. When I read it the first time it made so much sense and really opened my eyes when it comes to relationship advice so enjoy :)
If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.An African proverb states,
"Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self- esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other?
Do you bring out the best in each other?Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her.
You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on their voicemail, cell phone or send a nice email.
Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation.
Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the I.
If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.An African proverb states,
"Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self- esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other?
Do you bring out the best in each other?Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her.
You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on their voicemail, cell phone or send a nice email.
Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation.
Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the I.
Not all men are annoying...some are dead
I have been over the rainbow and back again when it comes to dating and feel like it's time to tell my story and give women a good laugh and men a life lesson if I can. I was in a very serious relationship for alomst 4 years, roughly 4 years ago and it ended terribly. He cheated, like most men do, but with about 16 different girls and for awhile it really took its toll on me. I decided about 5 months after the break up to get back out there. And thats where this begins.
Pitty party for me yes, Ive never been able to find a man who just appreciates me for me and let that be enough for him. There's ALWAYS an ex that is still hanging around or they come up with some lame excuse as to why they don't want a relationship.
Its been 3.5 years now that Ive been single and living the life, so to speak, and have met a ton of guys, been on countless dates and NOTHING has worked out.
Anyway so my girlfriends want me to start taking notes and writing a book about ALL of the lines I've heard, break-up excuses I have been told, and just the asshole things that have been said to me....
Pitty party for me yes, Ive never been able to find a man who just appreciates me for me and let that be enough for him. There's ALWAYS an ex that is still hanging around or they come up with some lame excuse as to why they don't want a relationship.
Its been 3.5 years now that Ive been single and living the life, so to speak, and have met a ton of guys, been on countless dates and NOTHING has worked out.
Anyway so my girlfriends want me to start taking notes and writing a book about ALL of the lines I've heard, break-up excuses I have been told, and just the asshole things that have been said to me....
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