When I count my blessings... I count you twice.

Turn up your volume <3

Tonight I felt the need to sit down, gather my thoughts and write a short “love letter” if you will to a little someone who makes my world better every day by just being in it. You know that American proverb

“Love many

 Trust few,

 Always paddle your own canoe”?

It’s one I used to live by as a single gal living in the city with my life somewhat floating by casually without a care in the world. As fun as it was to paddle that canoe by my lonesome I will say now that I've got the support and love from my special one to help guide me on my journey is well, the cherry that tops my sundae.

I posted once about how someone’s laugh gave me butterflies and how I needed to love the little things instead of worrying about the stupid things…Well 3 years later, relentless ups, down, fights, make ups, moves across the country and endless sweet kisses...his laugh still brings the pit of my stomach into a ball of butterfly goodness. How did I get so lucky? I ask myself this question daily and consider it a question I will never find the answer to because I believe we both are the lucky ones to have really and truly found our peace together. Times are tough, we have our struggles, our crazy passionate fights but the goodnight kiss is what I long for at the end of the day. Never go to bed angry, no matter how mad you are at your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or friend. Go to bed with that positive energy surrounding you so that your dreams can really be the dreams they’re meant to be.

I don’t remember the last night I’ve felt this at ease and happy about anything…ever. I’ve never known someone with such strength, determination and love in his soul. As kind as he can he can be he drives me absolutely nuts at times to where all I can think about is throwing the closest thing to me across the room to get out my frustration (same goes for him with me I know) but if I let myself take the oh so important deep breath...it all comes back and I realize, this is what you love about him…his crazy imperfections that drive you nuts because its him! To those who know him, he can come off as a stubborn pain in the ass at times, but that’s fine with me. I don’t need them to know him the way I do, that what’s so special about it.  

So my handsome man, if you’re reading this… thank you for being you and only you. You insprire me to become a better person each and every day so thank you for that. Thank you for putting me in my place daily and telling me to settle down and take it easy. You make my life better every day and I cannot wait to explore this crazy journey we’re starting together.  No matter how much I get frustrated over stupid things…always always always know that you…are…my…favorite xoxo

Happy New Year my friends!

“I don’t need another kind of green to know I'm on the right side of you"

When it comes to relationships nowadays what is it that makes us feel like we’ve got to constantly find something better? Do we really feel like we’re never going to find our perfect person or feel like the one who is perfect for us is simply enough and worth giving yourself to? This sort of complex I don’t believe is something that is a fault of either men or women because we’re all guilty of it. But my question is, when is it ok to stop needing another kind of Green to realize that someone truly has everything that could bring out the best in you and bring you happiness you never knew was possible?

Now, we’re all aware I’ve done by share of dating and have met many men who are all remarkable in their own way but there’s always something missing. Right? Or is it just me not being able to stop looking for something better? OR is it them not being able to stop looking for something better? I’ve written in previous posts about how I believe dating is unquestionably different in today’s society than when our grandparents were around…One reason being because I don’t think men chase the woman they want, they just move on to the next because it’s the easiest, even if that means losing her. If there is the slightest thing that’s not perfect about her they seem to turn their heads and forget about everything that is perfect. When is it going to be enough? When will the endless amounts of fun, comfort, laughs, smiles, support, (the list could go on) be enough to want to “start” building something that has the potential to be a lasting relationship? When will that be enough? That is what I cannot seem to wrap my brain around and cannot stop asking myself.

I’ve got some incredible girlfriends who are some of the most influential and caring women I know. Some are moms, some are single, some are married, some are engaged but they all have one thing in common, they’re spectacular women! A few of these ladies are in relationships that give me so much hope that there is a man out there who will love, support and cherish me for everything I am because I see how much their husbands love them. Others have husbands, boyfriends and fiancés who treat them like absolute dog shit and don’t deserve the love these women undoubtedly cannot help but give them. When I hear the stories they tell and see the heartache these men cause my loves I then question “is this something I want to ever go through (again)?” Now please don’t take this as me “man hating” or that I believe that men are to fault for every relationship problem because if anyone knows me they know I ALWAYS see both sides to stories. Women can be the source to a lot of heartache as well. I’ve also seen with first hand my girlfriends who are without question the ones who cause their guys pain. But going back to needing more constantly, why hurt the one you love? Why do things you know will cause them pain? Why not do everything you can to make the person happy? Now I’m aware things happen and people mess up, but when is love enough? When can a man say “this woman would do anything in her power to make me happy, why keep looking? Or why treat her poorly?” (or vice versa)

Oprah said once (don’t roll your eyes) that she believes you can have it all, just not all at the same time. So why do we take this approach with people we meet? Why do some people want and expect their partner to have it all and pass up someone who might be missing a few things? Of course it sounds great to be with someone who has everything we want but that’s when we have to step back and screw on our heads to realize it’s not going to happen. I think it’s important to set forth your main values and ideals that you need in a partner so we know what we’re not willing to budge on; because let’s face it we all need those to know we’re not settling for just anyone. With that said, I believe there are certain values and quirks that outweigh others so you then have to ask yourself “in 5 years will this stupid thing matter that I’m willing to throw everything away for or will the fact that this woman loves me unconditionally and makes me want to be a better person each day I’m with her be enough?” When will come the time when it’s worth letting some of the insignificant things fall under the rug because we realize they don’t matter in the grand scheme and these quirks this person has makes them who they are?

I believe that if you expect your woman or man to have it all then you’d better take a good hard look at yourself and make damn sure you’ve got everything you expect your partner to have.

: Deep breath:

“Find arms that will hold you at your weakest, eyes that will see you at your ugliest and a heart that will love you at your worst”

"Cheers to knowing that the end is worth it and never letting go of it's promise"

What is it about music and it’s lyrics that make you ponder everything thing happens to be going on in your life at the moment and for some reason you’re able to relate the song to whatever it is you’re going through right then? I decided to start a playlist of one of my favorite singer songwriters ever and one of his newest songs just struck a chord with me. (I’m Going to Make it by Sanders Bohlke). A lot of things are about to change for me and I couldn’t be more ready for them. I’m going to make it and I’m going to make the best out of it and I’m going to love every second of it. I believe every situation you’re in, no matter whether it be a good one or a bad one… it changes you, changes your way of thinking and makes you a much better person because it happened.


The past couple of weeks have brought up a few subjects I never thought I would ever be faced with but unexpectedly they have forever impacted my life and my views on responsible decision making. I will be forever affected by what has come my way and although it is hard to face, it will only make my life and what I’ve yet to accomplish only that much sweeter. You never quite know what you need until you find it and the next thing I find might just be the thing that changes everything. I love so much that I have no clue what my future has to hold or where I will be in a year from now. As scary and nerve-wracking as that may be, it is the most excited I’ve ever been. I’m moving to one of the most incredible cities the US has to offer with one of the people that mean more to me than she’ll ever know. I’ll be able to hopefully embrace my passion for photography on a more intense level as well as soak up the culture this city has to offer.

You know how when you meet people you just have the connection and warmth like none other right off the bat? It doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship or something that leads to anything more than friendship but when that person comes into your life, things just become more fun and easy. It’s probably one of the most relaxing and refreshing things that can happen I think, especially when you’re about to make a huge move in your life and have no idea what’s left to be faced.

I kept this short and sweet but cheers to my life and the exciting things that are to come... A few big steps to get there, but you better be damn sure I'll make it
 
 

“Whenever I was a little girl I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew the kind of woman I wanted to be…” Diane Von Furstenberg

So I have wanted to sit down and write for a few days now about which road my life has taken me down recently but haven’t come to terms with anything I feel needs to be brought to the table or vented about. Everything is just perfect right now and I couldn’t be happier. Things are going pretty well for me these days and I’m getting closer to seeing a glimpse of that “so called” light everyone talks about being at the end of the tunnel. I feel like I am finally able to take a little bit of a deep breath, which feels amazing.


When is the right time for someone to really hone in on what they what to do with their life? I mean is there a time frame or an age where these things need to be figured out by? I have an idea of course and am fully aware of what my strong points are as far as work is concerned but I just want so much out of my life I don’t know which to jump at first. This whole new year, fresh start, new beginnings, new happiness thing is really starting to kick into full swing and I couldn’t be more ready for it. The past year was a rough one but I’d be crazy if I didn’t say that I’m glad all of the madness happened. I came to terms with a failed relationship, lost friends, gained new friends, went countless interviews, lost my Uncle Jonnie, was overcome with stress 80% of the time BUT having gone through all of that I can honestly say that I truly believe that I am where I am suppose to be and have the people in my life that are supposed to be here. I feel so blessed to be able to have such amazing friends and family surrounding me that I don’t know how I would have gotten through it without them.

I’ve got so much going on this year and I can’t wait for all of it to kick off and get going. I in no means want to rush the process of these events but to say I’m excited is simply an understatement. I didn’t think it was possible for more of my friends to get engaged but boy was I wrong? Three girlfriends of mine that I’m remembering got engaged in 2010. There are probably a few that I’m forgetting but maybe I’m just confusing them with the actual of weddings I went to last year because there were about 765 of them… but who’s counting? There are a few trips I want to take this year for sure and really need to get cracking on the actual planning part of them! I’ll be in San Fran again in July for a week and Lauderdale in May for weddings but I want to get a few more fun weekend trips under my belt soon. I’m getting the urge to go to St. Augustine, Savannah again (shocker), Charleston, DC in the Spring, New York, maybe down to the Keys to visit some friends…nothing too crazy but I think a fun road trip up the East Coast would be kind of fun, but only if in good company of course. (Ahem)

I’ve said this countless times I think throughout this posting but I don’t believe I can say it enough. I’m so in love with this new and exciting chapter that’s starting in my life right now and I couldn’t be more ready to take the next step in getting “me” back again. The past couple of weeks have been pretty incredible and if they progress the way I feel they will, 2011 is going to be my year. So with that said my loves… deep breathes and cheers to knowing that the end is worth it and never letting go of its promise.

"Wish I could say what it is I'd like to say but my tongue is twisted up and tied away" -Rebelution

I think this is the first time in my life that I am left not knowing when or how to go about saying something that is on my mind. I usually have this very up front, honest, no holds bar way of going about anything that is bothering me or anything that I feel could be easily fixed with a simple conversation. So what to do? Let it go? Give it time with high hopes that the issue will rectify on its own? Casually bring it up to see if it has any hopes to get fixed? Who knows…

The past couple of months have been pretty stressful and I’m really trying to keep a positive outlook on everything that happens and with everyone that comes into my life going forward. I’ve always been pretty good at making the best out of every situation I’m thrown into but there are a few lately that are just too much of headache when it’s all said and done.

Now I am always on board for a good change now and again but usually my kind of change means moving around my apartment, painting my kitchen or going on a weekend trip for a short change of scenery. When someone’s demeanor or personality changes drastically it’s hard to be on board with it and not want to ask what happened. If the change is for the better then there isn’t really a need to talk about it but it’s just important to be appreciative of it and be aware of it at the same time. But if the change has a negative effect on how they treat you then I believe the approach should be to not let it go unnoticed and to definitely say something. The dilemma I am having is...how soon is too soon to bring it up?

So the holidays are officially around the corner and it didn’t hit home to me until I watched Oprah’s Favorite Things episode the other day. This is the first year that I can honestly say I am not AS excited as I have been during previous years. No particular reason really, maybe just getting older? But if getting older means you don’t get excited about holidays then I think that’s a load of crap. It’s been really hard to sit back and watch my family grow apart and not appreciate each other like we use to. I know things happen and people change but family is family and no matter what happens you love them for who they are is how I see it. I used to love talking to people about how funny, witty and close my family was. (Keyword: was) I feel like that is all in the past and that no one cares to get back to that. I have friends who don’t have families or parents or have lost a parent and it makes me sick to think my family is becoming so self absorbed that they can’t even see that we’re so lucky to still have each other to cherish AND to spend holidays together. If my grandfather were still alive he would beat the hell out of everyone and tell them to get their shit together and get over it. There is no way in hell he would be ok with how things are now with everyone and I wish there was a way I just could fix it. It just makes me not want to come home for holidays anymore…which sucks. I love everyone in my family more than they will ever know, which makes it so hard to sit back and watch all of this unfold.

I went out to the beach a couple days ago and caught up with a good friend of mine who I’ve been cancelling plans with for what seems to be months now! I’m really glad we got a chance to catch up and talk about how our lives are going because it was something that I needed. There is something so refreshing when it comes to hearing that one of your good friends is having such amazing things happen for them.

I’ve wanted to write a new post for the past couple of weeks now but didn’t really know which approach to take and I still really don’t know where I am even going with this one if I’m being honest. Hopping from topic to topic randomly seems to be the way I'm going about it. I think I just felt the need to get a few things off my chest casually but when I really think about it I don’t even think I’ve even tipped the iceberg. I wish I could go down the list of things that I have running through my head and fix all of them. But with all things in life…God never slams a door in your face without opening a box of Girl Scout cookies… Happy Graciasgiving everyone.

PS. Mom, I love you

"You're the best decision I ever made, I just forgot"

The only thing that seems logical to do at the moment while watching one of the most uplifting and inspirational movies that came out last year (I think it was last year) is to blog of course. Julie & Julia is the movie I’m referring to. While some may just see it as a funny “chick flick” about cooking, others, like myself, see it as a heartwarming story about a woman who digs deep and figures out a way to do what SHE loves. The way she hates her job, watches in agony as her best girlfriends succeed in their high paying assistant having careers yet still finds such joy in something so simple as making a good meal. Just goes to show that no matter how complex everyone else’s life may come across when put up next to your, what you seem to think of as an insignificant life, that it doesn’t really matter in the end. The only thing that will leave you with no “what ifs” at night is to simply do what makes you happy and do what you love and by that my friend, you will be the one who is the most rewarded with “the goodness”.


I am at the point right now where I somewhat envy the things I see my friends doing with their lives. I have been out of work since December and have been having a lot of fun while not working with all of my trips and such but at the end of the day I’m constantly stressed out about money. It has a way of consuming every bit of my thoughts and how I take hold of my days going forward. I try my hardest to recognize the amazing things I have surrounding me right now such as how incredibly patient and overwhelmingly supportive my friends and family have been with me while I’ve struggled to hash through this stressful period. Like all things, it WILL get better…it has to! The only way to succeed in life is to be positive and believe that although there are times “when your face looks like a punching bag and you’re elbow deep in Kleenex”, (name that movie) it will get better and the perfect sunset you see every day while walking your adorable dog, will be there to greet you again. “You just have to get up and look for it. The sunset isn’t going to smack you in the face if you’re sitting on your couch feeling sorry for yourself!” is what I tell myself every day.

As I sit here and ramble about how doing what makes you happy is the way to truly live your life the way it should be lived…I need to tell myself the same thing. Photography is my passion. Is has been my vice, so to speak from as far back as I can remember. It has never been something that I’ve wanted to do as a profession because I always assumed it would take the fun out of it for me. I’m uninterested in boring, portrait style photography…I love to merely capture a moment. Moments can’t be staged as far as I’m concerned and when they are, its obvious and it makes my skin crawl. Whether it be a 2 year old holding his favorite freshly picked yellow “wower” aka flower in a seemingly perfect day at the park with his mom or capturing the absolute silence in a steering wheel that was once driven by your late uncle…it’s a moment in time that speak volumes. I thank my father for teaching me my way through a lens and showed me that it isn’t silly to love it. “Don’t ever delete a picture” is what he says to me. Since I was a kid, he and I would walk around anywhere and beat each other to saying “wow…that’s a picture” (I said it first you owe me a beer). I drive my friends crazy with my picture taking. Whether it be a split second I see between my friend and her boyfriend, a moment that everyone else is blind to, or just a fun candid while out having a few beers with the people I love the most… they’re memories and they’re what make my days better in the end. All of the shots I’ve produced have been armaturely taken with a basic point and shoot camera, (expect for the so few times I was able to borrow my sister’s big boy) and I can’t wait for the day that I can proudly go about putting my mark on this world by effortlessly capturing precious moments out of people’s lives that will then never be forgotten...with my very own "big boy Mac Daddy camera.

With all of that being said and while I still don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel I am starting to really put myself first again in the equation of what we call life. I’m the decision I make every morning, not anyone else’s. I’m the one who deserves my thoughts, not the guy who doesn’t call. I’m the one who determines my attitude for the day, not the bill I am about to open that will bring me to tears. I’m the person who is the most important, not anyone else…I may have forgotten that but don’t be fooled, it didn’t last long.

Perfect little boy handing his mama the yellow "wower"... Jayce Huff

RIP Uncle Jonnie

Inside Uncle Jonnie's jeep

Uncle Jonnie's old jeep

Sunset from Davis Island dog park (my view everyday)

Civil Rights Museum Memphis, TN

Memphis National Cemetery

Alcatraz

Alcatraz

Alcatraz

“Everyone that comes into my life is just whip cream, but I come in as the full sundae” –Jenny McCarthy

What happens when you come to a point in your life where the little things matter more and the thought of entertaining a trivial and meaningless argument (that has the opportunity to forever change your life) becomes insignificant in the big picture of what you see in your future? I’ll tell you what… when the realization of what truly matters in the grand scheme of things smacks you dead in the face.

I have only spent 27 years on this earth thus far and throughout my years I have had the opportunity to meet and love many different types of people. All of which I will say, have taught me something and have in turn have made me a better and more wise person since meeting them. Every place I go, whether it be the grocery store, mall, dog park or random coffee shop I usually have some sort of conversation with a total stranger. I had a dear friend of mine say to me recently that she notices I talk to the most random people at the most inopportune times, have the most off the wall stories and will meet anyone wherever I go. Being well aware of this before she pointed it out I just simply laughed and said “well don’t you?” To my surprise she said that she never does that and never tries to. The thought of going out of her way to meet someone new isn’t something on her agenda for any given day. She goes to the grocery store, goes about her business and carries on with her day content with never meeting a stranger. I on the other hand, will sit and talk to the cashier at Sweet Bay for 20 minutes about different types of coffee we’ve tried, where to find it and so forth. While on trips I love meeting people that work in the places I adore to shop at and chatting them up or just striking up a conversation with someone at a park who just so happens to be sitting close to me on a bench. I love the idea of never knowing who that person is, who they were early in life or who they are aspiring to be but learning so much about then as we chat. Hearing and learning about how other people live and view society is something I crave. You never know where it is you’ll end up in life so I try and somehow stay in contact with whomever I meet randomly. Who knows, maybe I’ll move to San Diego and need to find a place to live. The really nice guys I met while out in Savannah who live there might be able to lend a helping hand.

I have friends who look at someone and judge them instantly, or will throw out a dirty look if someone just so happens to walk too close to them or talk too loud. There have been times that we all do these sorts of things and we seem to think of ourselves as pretty normal right? There have been times when I’m with my girlfriends at dinner and during conversation my reaction to something one of us is saying or vice versa is so profound that a “louder” response is the only thing that comes out of my mouth. It does not make me trashy or classless, nor does it make the person next to me who happens to do it if in turn the situation were switched… it just says to me that the person who is experiencing this reaction is having a fantastic night. I can’t say enough how much I love seeing people who are in a uncontrollable belly laugh with their loved one or a close friend. I try to imagine what could be so funny to have made them shed tears of laughter. I know how incredible it feels to I have one of those moments with someone I love, and when you’ve stopped laughing long enough to take a deep breath to soak up the moment, you have not a care in the world. It definitely puts a smile on my face while seeing other people experience it.

Having experienced many good laughs in my day I would say those are the moments I live for. I love the simple things in life and can say I always have but am now starting to try and really focus on them more; especially when it comes to my everyday life and the choices I make that will possibly have an impact on my future. Whether it be with love, ending friendships, starting new ones or simply making a point to exercise outside at a certain time of day so that I can watch a remarkable sunset...it’s a choice I choose to make that will only end with a smile.

There is always something that drives you nuts about the person you adore. Those things, over time can start to eat away at the big picture if you let them and that is something I am personally working on with every relationship I find myself in. Whether you’re able to recognize it or not, if this person is somehow linked to a part of your happiness then it’s time for you to cut the crap and recognize what really matters. The things that drive you crazy are the things you will miss the most when they’re gone. From the snoring, to the t-shirts, the play by plays and the never-ending saga of not agreeing on food choices. If you can either sit back and realize that these quirks are what make this person who they are and you love them for that alone then you're on a great path. If you choose to sit and be miserable with not being able to see the good that comes from it then you are missing out my friend.

You can fool yourself into thinking that all of those “annoying” things are what really matter in the long run but at the end of the day, when that person’s laugh gives you butterflies you have to come to the decision and decide what really makes puts the cherry on your sundae of life. The butterflies and belly laughs or the snoring?